speccygeekgrrl42: (too clever by half : Ravenclaw)
Oh, today. Today exceeded my expectations so far that I couldn't have even guessed it would turn out so well this morning. It's only been a few hours since I made my last post and things are just so good.

Okay, so I went to table for Sugar High selling cupcakes, and before I started I ran up to Macmillan to cash my paycheck. I was standing in line when Professor Bennett walked by me, saw me, and smiled. I smiled back. Of course I did, I love Bennett, he's a fantastic person, I like him a lot, of course I smiled. And he walked on, and I was like "oh, well, that's nice," and then he called my name. So I turned to look at him and he asked if he could talk to me. Well, every other time someone has said that to me lately has turned out really well. So I stepped out of line to talk to him.

And what he said was, "Would you like to do an independent study with me? You could read Eliot and keep writing formal poetry." And I was like "Uh, YES" and he went on to say that it was sad that I declared my English minor so late, if I'd done it last year I could have taken more classes on topics I would have enjoyed, but this independent study would basically allow us to get together to have a conversation about whatever poetic topics we decide are appropriate (which means I'm going to do at least half a semester on Eliot. I CAN STUDY THE WASTE LAND. I CAN WRITE A FUCKING PAPER ON PRUFROCK IF I WANT TO.) and for him to advise me on my poetry craft. It's just one credit hour, which means it's all going to be very casual and laid-back and basically YEAH I JUST GET TO HAVE A LONG CONVERSATION WITH AN AWESOME PROFESSOR EVERY WEEK. We could do it at tea time and just sit around with coffee and cookies and talk about poetry. I have class with him three times a week next semester anyways, I could just hang around after class one day a week.

SO FUCKING PSYCHED ABOUT THIS. I immediately went to get the paperwork I need to make this happen. I don't technically have to have it in until just before I leave for the winter, but I want to have this done by the time I leave for Thanksgiving. If I can work with him over the weekend through e-mail to get the details ironed out, I can bring this form back to the Registrar on Monday morning.

And then! I went back to the dining hall to sell cupcakes, and I felt my phone buzz, and when I checked it, it was an e-mail from Professor Gagnon, who finished reading my thesis and said basically that it was fantastic and if she was grading it she would give it an A. She made a few small edits, but more or less said "it's done, you did a great job, congratulations."

Sooooooooooooo I'm going to go back to my room after I'm done here at "work" (I have been fucking off on Facebook since 1:30), make the edits to the thesis as suggested by Gagnon and Markowitz, and call it complete. I don't need to hand in a hard copy, I just have to send the file back to Markowitz by Tuesday, so I can do that tonight and not have to worry about it at all any more (or at least not until I get back from Thanksgiving break), and I can focus on the rest of the stuff I have to do to make it through this semester.

But. I passed both sections of Yoga. I will probably get an A for Senior Sem. I will almost definitely get an A for Poetry Writing. I will most likely get an A for Bio Bases of Behavior. I will probably get a low A or a high B for Gender, Power, Lit and Film, if my papers live up to the standard my first paper set. I don't even give a fuck what I get in Environmental Sustainability any more, but I will be surprised if it's less than a B.

I am SO making Dean's List this semester. My GPA might even go up! Oh man it would be so nice if my GPA went up. Last semester I was sweating my grades until they were all in; this semester I am not sweating anything. It's fucking revolutionary what this is doing to my mood. I feel like a different person. This lack of stress has remade me.
speccygeekgrrl42: (:()

My parents have to be out of this house on August 17th.

I'm not allowed to go back to Wells until August 24th.

...but. The atheletics students come back a week early, so I'm going to write to Residence Life and the Dean of Students and ask if I can come back with them because otherwise I'm kind of fucked.

I don't know how sympathetic Malindra will be, but Joel's really nice, I might be able to talk him around to it.

Aaaaaaand Malindra's out of the office until the 15th, so I'm going to try emailing Joel.
speccygeekgrrl42: (pensive. : Chuck)
So I never posted about room draw. Mary and I got the room we wanted, Weld 210, which has a lovely view of the lake. Unfortunately, our only next-door neighbor is a notorious drunk who used to throw parties a lot when he was living down the hall from me in the fall semester... so I have resolved to make his life a living hell if he so much as neglects to turn his music down if we ask him to. I have no problem having the RAs ride his ass, and I have no problem being the buzzkill to call Campus Security if he's having underage people drinking in his room. I told him specifically before he went in to pick his room not to pick 211, so it's his own fucking fault if I make his life miserable.

Felix is living on the other side of the building on the same floor, which is basically the same amount of distance that he is away from me now.

Shane got a room in GP, which, you know, it's not like it's far away, but it would have been nicer if she could have been in Weld too.

Yesterday I went to talk to my therapist and I left feeling worse. On the way back to Wells my father told me it's not a certain thing that we're being moved away from Auburn, but if we are being moved they'll get a phone call either Friday or next Wednesday. Which means I'm basically just trying to not think about it until I know for sure one way or another, and I'll find out soon, but it's just adding on to the stress of the end of the semester. I really want to smoke some fucking weed, but I don't have any.

Today my only class was cancelled "due to sun", no seriously that's what the professor's email said, which, I'm not complaining, I love being able to sleep in when I'm having good dreams. When I finally crawled out of bed at 1:30 to go keep my appointment with the Learning Support director, it turned out she was in a meeting and I didn't need to wake up at all... but when I went to get the mail, I had a package full of snacky foods from Nutty Guys, which-- mm, trail mix and nuts and chocolate covered cranberries and cinnamon bears and dried pineapple, fuck yes. I missed our final choir rehearsal before the concert because I had to go to a meeting for all of next year's Psych major seniors, in which I was informed that I have homework over the summer. I have to do an annotated bibliography of at least five sources for my thesis; by the end I need to have fifteen sources. I'm still having a hard time scraping together sources for my Psycholinguistics paper, I despair to think of what my life is going to be like when I'm thesising (hint: it's probably going to suck).

No, I need to be more positive about next semester. It's going to be fine. I'm going to be living with Mary so I'll always have a friend around, and if we have a problem we can talk it out like rational people. My classes are going to be interesting... even if it's going to suck taking mostly seminar courses, it will be nice to have three day weekends every week, and to be able to sleep until noon every day if I feel like it. A lot of people I don't like are leaving so I never have to deal with them again. I will get to participate in all the cool senior traditions like champagne breakfast and subsequently attending classes drunk. (a lot of Wells traditions have to do with drinking.) It will be fine, I don't need to worry about it.

Really what I need to focus on worrying about is the next two weeks. I still need to write six more pages for my Psycholinguistics paper, I haven't even started my big Deviance paper and I still have one smaller paper to do for that class, I have a French test on Wednesday and I really have no fucking clue how to use the conditional passe, which is a stupid tense to have anyway, and I have four finals the week after that, one each Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday and two out of class essay exams that are due Thursday. I have to be out of the dorms on Friday.

I just don't have enough time left. I need more time.
speccygeekgrrl42: (Canton Everett Delaware III & the Doctor)
Canton Everett Delaware III: awesome, or THE MOST AWESOME TO EVER AWESOME?

I want to see more of him. Like, now.

It is gross and rainy out, I have had a headache for the past 16 hours, and last night I had to smush a disgusting house centipede on the wall beside my bed. SO GROSS. Ugh.

In one hour I will go down to the dining hall and pick my room for next year. Because our epic plans for a Dodge suite fell through, Mary and I are going for one of the doubles with a view of the lake on Weld Second, and Shane and Felix are both aiming for singles on the same floor. Weld is a nice building, it doesn't have the insect problem that Main and GP do, and it's got an elevator so it'll be easy to move in to the second floor. Plus it's got a sweet balcony that will be right around the corner if I get the room I'm shooting for.

And it would be really nice to have my girlfriend living right next door. :3

I just wish my headache would go away.
speccygeekgrrl42: (got this covered. : Chuck)
Today I made my schedule for next semester! I am currently sitting at 19 credits.

Poetry Writing (workshop)
Gender, Power, Literature and Film (with the teacher I had Media and Power with last semester)
Concert Choir (which will be taught by someone else because this is Thoburn's last semester)
Yoga (twice, once in the first seven weeks and once in the last seven weeks)
Psychology of Environmental Sustainability (I would rather take Positive Psych, but there's no guarantee it will be offered in the spring)
Biological Bases of Behavior (I would rather take Drugs and Behavior, but there's no guarantee it will be offered in the spring)
Senior Seminar: Psych (aka Oh Shit I'm Thesising)

I am probably going to drop at least one of these classes, because there's no way I can carry that heavy a course load while I'm thesising, but three out of the 19 credits are choir and yoga, so really it's only 16 credits of crap I'll have homework for. As the schedule stands, though, I have a seminar course every day of the week except Monday, I have no courses that begin before 12:30pm, and I have a three-day weekend because I don't have any classes at all on Monday.

On Wednesday I have to go talk to my new minor advisor about seeing if I can equal out any of the classes I've already taken to the requirements for the minor so I don't have to take Brit Lit or Form and Meaning, which would be a real drag on my schedule because I'd probably have to take one of the two this semester because I don't think either of them are offered in the spring. I think I can make the argument that English Lit = Brit Lit and Literary Criticism = Form and Meaning, so technically I've already taken BOTH of them and should be required to take neither now. I'm not sure how much of a stickler for the rules Bennett is, but I've heard he's pretty easygoing, so he might work with me on this. And I'm not sure how many of my 300-level English credits are going to count toward the requirement because neither of them is offered here... I'm just going to have to iron out a lot of issues on Wednesday.

The biggest disappointment of this schedule is that I can't take Ethics with Professor Geller because it conflicts with Senior Sem, which is absolutely not optional. (and also I've taken Ethics within the past year, although I'd be willing to just audit the course, because I love Geller and his Ethics class is bound to be super interesting, because Science and Religion has been.)

Anyways, I have to focus on finishing this semester. I'm doing really well in all of my classes up to this point; I have a 20 minute presentation and an 8-10 page paper to do for Psycholinguistics, plus the take-home final; a 10-15 page paper to do for Deviance, plus the final; probably a series of short papers for Science and Religion like we had at midterms, plus the final; and a test on Wednesday, one more test, and then a cumulative final for French. The only thing I'm worried about is the Psycholinguistics project, because I need five scholarly sources and I have... none... and no non-scholarly sources... because I haven't started doing the research yet. I really should have started it last week... I should have done the survey for Facebook last week, too, but that I'm going to have to do tomorrow. I am slightly less worried about the presentation because a couple of the ones my classmates have done were pretty lame and didn't make it all the way to 20 minutes, so... if mine sucks and runs short, I won't be the only one, at least.

I should probably be more stressed about this than I am, but I'm remarkably sanguine about everything at the moment. I just kind of have faith that things are going to work out all right, because they've been working pretty well so far.
speccygeekgrrl42: (absolutely gobsmacked : Ianto)
I have had all but two of my classes now, and I realize that I am expected to do a SHITLOAD of reading for four of them. So far Goddess Worship is the most reading, Psycholinguistics and Deviance and Society seem about tied, and I'll find out tomorrow (if classes aren't canceled) how much I have to do each week for Science and Religion. French is about the same level it was last semester, despite the new teacher, and I really hope there isn't any reading for Yoga.

I also have to do a lot of writing. There is a research paper of 10-15 pages for at least those first three classes, there will probably be one for Science and Religion too, and I have to do a weekly reaction paper for Psycholinguistics and Goddess Worship. At least this will help me make my word count for the month... yes, I'm totally counting academic papers in my word count, there's no way I'm going to be able to write 10k of creative writing on top of what I'm expected to do for classes.

They're going to be a lot of work, but all the classes (except French, that I just have to deal with) seem like they're going to be super interesting, so that's good. I have at least one friend in every class, so I will have someone to bounce ideas off of and just discuss stuff outside of class with.

I had to go pick up my last textbook this afternoon, and I also picked up a day planner while I was there (for like $4, since it was halfway through the academic year) and started writing everything from my syllabi into it. I really want to be more organized this semester than I was last semester. I've already got my binders all set up for MWF and TR classes, I have all my textbooks on one shelf, I think I can really do it.

I found out today that the Student Employment office moved from Financial Aid, who were useless to me last semester, to Experiential Learning, who were actually super helpful to me. So hopefully I can actually get that work-study job I was promised six months ago. I'd like to work in the library, ideally, but I would also be content working the desk in the athletic center. As long as I don't have to do food service, because it makes me nauseous.

So tonight I have Yoga at 7, SAGA at 8, and Sex Collective at 9. It's supposed to start snowing between 8 and 10, and not stop snowing for almost 36 hours... so I might have classes canceled tomorrow and Thursday. My French teacher comes in from Syracuse and my Deviance teacher comes in from Buffalo, so I don't expect them to want to make the drive in heavy snow. I know Geller comes in from Ithaca, but I hope he doesn't cancel because Science and Religion is the class I've most been looking forward to since I registered for classes. I'm not sure where Malena lives, but I won't mind slogging across campus for Goddess Worship.

Now... I am going to do my French homework, which I'm already half done with, and then probably watch an episode of something before dinner.
speccygeekgrrl42: (*thumbs up*)
And so passes the shortest day of the year. I spent most of the daylight hours asleep, and when I wasn't asleep I was standing outside in the cold ringing a bell to collect people's spare change, and people were not generous today. Now that it's dark, I'm going to make myself a cup of tea and then start re-recording Monster. I hope I can have it finished by midnight. I am not going to stop at any point, I am going to record the entire thing in one take, so I will be sure not to lose any of it.

If I still have a voice left when I'm done with that, I might start recording some gift fic. I intended to do a whole lot of them, but I don't have much time left and there are only three people who survived all of my tab losses... so if you're not [livejournal.com profile] beachkid, [livejournal.com profile] savorvrymoment, or [livejournal.com profile] brighteyed_jill, and you want a podfic, say something. And please, pick a story for me to do, because if you leave me to my own devices it's never going to get done. Just don't pick anything too long... or if you pick something long, don't expect it by Christmas.

The best thing on the internet lately is When Parents Text. It makes me lol for real.

I got all my grades in, finally. An A+, two As, a B+, a B, and a satisfactory. My GPA is 3.72. I am pretty satisfied with it, even though my French teacher ruined everything because I had a 3.9 before she gave me a B. Heartless woman.

I GOT MAILS TODAY. [livejournal.com profile] moorishflower sent me dragons! And a lot of other cool things, including books, but DRAGONS! Including a hatching baby dragon! I'm totally stoked about the dragons, if you can't tell. xD Thank you, Heather, it's all wonderful! And, uh, I have received a lot of cards except I put some of them up on my wall in the dorm room already and I don't remember who sent all of them, so... if you sent me a card, thank you very much! :D (sorry I suck, lol.)

My brother should be arriving tomorrow. I'm looking forward to seeing him.
speccygeekgrrl42: (DRAGONS)
I started this break with such big plans to get everything done.... I have gotten nothing at all finished. I still have three pages to write on my longest paper, I haven't even figured out what I'm going to write about for the other things I have due for that professor this week, plus I haven't started the Powerpoint and I'm pretty sure it's going to be the least interesting presentation anyways because I'm mostly going to be like "here are bisexuals on TV, have some pretty pictures, they're mostly from sci-fi and some of them are awesome, the end."

Most everything is due next week, except those things for Meij.

So my revised plan of action is, power through the rest of this one paper, go do the last part of my podfic recording (because that's due in like three days oh god), start the lesson plan for Meij, then I can go take a bath and make a vlog because I'm excited about vlogging again, and then I am going to take a Xanax to help me get to sleep in a reasonable amount of time so I can wake up tomorrow in time to return to Wells for French class. Then I have to come back to Auburn after French for my appointment with Lisa, when I'm home I'm going to call the place about my internship, and then I go back to Wells for my last three weeks of classes and finals. Monday night will be devoted to making the powerpoint presentation.

Tuesday I have class until 12:30, then I have my last meeting with Chris Richardson, who is leaving Wells and I'm sad about that because I like talking to him, at some point in the afternoon I have to meet with my EdPsych group, and then I have to work on papers until 8 when we have the last SAGA and Sex Collective meetings of the semester. I'm going to focus on the papers for Meij because they're due on Thursday.

Wednesday I have class like usual until 3, and at 3 I have to do the workshop for middle schoolers with EdPsych. I have to figure out how I'm getting to the school. Wednesday night I'm going to finish up the papers for Meij, because I am under no illusions that I can finish them before the night before they're due.

Thursday I have to give my presentation for Meij, and hand in all of the papers: the lesson plan, the issue in mass media, and the bisexuals on TV. The last one isn't due until the 10th but I'm handing it in early so I don't have to think about it any more.

Friday I think I might have a test in French (on the fucking subjunctive which makes no fucking sense to me and I hate it harder than anything else we've done in this class), I don't know what's happening in Logic, and in EdPsych I fully expect Dr. Duff to be disappointed with our workshop, because I have very little hope that it's going to be successful. Also he's probably going to try to get us back into the textbook to prepare for the final. I'm not psyched about that class any more, really.

So that's my week. I'm planning on giving myself a little treat every day I finish what I'm supposed to be doing by watching one of the Harry Potter movies. I downloaded the first six yesterday, so I will have happy fun time every night provided I don't fuck it up and dick around doing nothing all day long.

Oh yeah, and once I reach the weekend, I can focus on the projects and papers for Lohn and Geller, due on the 7th and 10th respectively. And get ready for my French final, which is cumulative, and I think it's bullshit that we have a unit exam, one day of review, and then a final. And the final for Lohn, which I am actually pretty afraid of, and the final for Duff, which he hasn't announced but I'm pretty sure is coming anyways.

But after the 13th(?) when I have that final, I'm done. Finito. Nothing left to worry about. Completely finished with the fall semester, only my final grades to be concerned about and I am not planning on being overly concerned about them. I do plan on opening the green book with Felix and Chelsea, but only when I'm done with papers. But I think that'll help me not be so worried about my grades.

I am pretty sure I will get an A in Meij's class even if my powerpoint presentation isn't fantastic, because I've done really well in his class and my participation grade is stellar. I am not so sure what my grade will be for Lohn, because she hasn't returned grades on our second papers and I am feeling insecure about her final. My grade in French really hinges on how well I do on this subjunctive test, I need at least a B to keep an A, I think. God only knows what's going to happen with EdPsych, he's another one who hasn't bothered giving back graded papers, but I did really well on the first test... and I'm pretty certain I've got an A in Logic in the bag, but I'll find out what I got on the last test on Wednesday. And Wells 111 is graded pass/fail and I know I'm passing.

I certainly don't expect to pull worse than a C+ in anything, considering what my grades were at midterm.

And don't even talk to me about NaNo. I got 12,000 words, that's better than I've written for the rest of the year entire, I didn't even make it halfway to my goal but I'm still reasonably proud of myself, and I'm going to keep working on it even though I don't plan on showing it to anyone. Because dragons are fun. Yay dragons.
speccygeekgrrl42: (westwood. : Jim)
Things I need to at least get halfway done over the next five days:

one fake advertisement for Dr. Lohn with accompanying page and a half on why it's an effective advertisement/the theory behind the design (due December 7?)
one powerpoint project on bisexuals in the media for Prof. Meij with accompanying 8-12 page paper (presentation due December 2, paper due December 13)
one 3-5 page essay about an issue in mass media from the perspective of a grassroots movement/organization for Prof. Meij (due December 2)
one 2-4 page lesson plan for teaching a mass media class for Prof. Meij (due December 2)
one 4 page paper on the logic behind supporting gay marriage for Prof. Geller (due December 7?)
writing a rough draft of a resume to show to Eric Vaughn
contacting the Cauyga/Seneca Community Action Agency regarding my internship
recording the second half of my Podbang fic and editing the whole thing together (absolutely must be submitted by Sunday night)

The only class I don't have something immediately pressing for is French, and I think I have a test Friday the 3rd. I have a workshop presentation for middle schoolers for EdPsych on Wednesday the 1st that I don't feel completely confident about (and I think we might have a group meeting on Tuesday), and I'm not sure what the final exam situation is for that class.

So my ideal situation would be.... probably doing the long paper and building the powerpoint project off that tomorrow, doing the advertisement Thursday, attacking the lesson plan idea first and the grassroots paper second on Friday, probably taking Saturday to finish up everything for Meij, doing the research for the logic paper on Sunday and writing it on Monday night... I have to try contacting the C/SCAA either tomorrow or next week, because I have to have the paperwork finalized by December 10, and I need my resume done before I send them the paperwork to sign. So the resume is one thing I'm allowed to procrastinate by doing, if I don't end up doing the majority of it tonight, and the podfic recording is what I get to do for fun when I finish the long paper.

This is not going to be a fun relaxing break. :/ It's my fault for putting things off for a long time/not doing them immediately when they're assigned.

But for tonight, the only thing I'm going to do is get some serious reading done in Goblet of Fire.
speccygeekgrrl42: (hovering. : Sherlock and John)
I saw my advisor, I DON'T need to take statistics, HOORAY, she basically signed off on my taking everything I wanted to take, and we briefly discussed my internship, which is probably going to take place at Catholic Charities in Auburn, since I can't do it at the counseling center because that would be a conflict of interest. I'm really pleased with how that meeting went.

I'm also incredibly self-satisfied at the moment, because I got a 100 on the French quiz on the passe compose and the imperfect, and because I aced it I didn't have to take another quiz about it today, I got to leave early. :D I own this class. I am awesome.

Also, right now I am sitting pretty at 4815 words and I haven't even written anything today. I'm ahead of schedule! It's a nice feeling. I'm pretty sure I can bang out another 1000 words today, because now I'm talking about the Kinley family escaping Davenport before the enemy army basically slaughters the entire town. Then I can write about Orly thinking his whole family is dead and getting super emo, and that'll lead nicely into his friendship with Paul developing. You know, I said I wasn't going to angst it up in this story, but I'm kind of mean to some of my characters. One of them's lost his mind, one of them is conscripted into the army, there's this thing with Orly, Andy's going to break a limb (I'm not sure which limb yet), Pax's whole family IS going to be killed... it's a good thing I've got a lot of humor to slip into this too. Like a dragon wanting to tell off the general who conscripted him. And BABY DRAGON ANTICS. and I'm sure humans will be entertaining too, but right now I'm ALL ABOUT DRAGONS.

The only problem I have right now is that typing at this desk gives me a terrible ache in my back and shoulders. I'm going to revert to curling up in bed with the laptop from now on, I just didn't have time to take off my shoes and get comfy right now, since I have class in an hour and I have to eat lunch before that.
speccygeekgrrl42: (#vortex# gaze lowered : Gabrielle Gray)
My schedule has been made. I'm taking Mass Media, Principles of Sociology, Media and Power, Logic, and Intro to Wells, which is a required course. I was going to take meditiation as a class but it conflicted with Sociology. I am also signed up for French 101, but I'm going to test out of it, and if I test into 200-level French then I can't take it this semester because it conflicts with Media and Power and I would much rather take a pop culture course, thank you.

I also found out my roommate today. Her name is Emi Kawata, and she is from Suminoe-ku, Japan. Wikipedia tells me that Suminoe-ku is in Osaka, which makes me think of Osaka from Azumanga Daioh. >.>

I am mildly terrified of being the stupid American in this sitcom situation. I have a terrible time understanding people with accents sometimes. I hope she won't think I'm an idiot. I got to see our room, and it's not very big, but I think we can make it seem roomier by moving the furniture around some. The most space-saving thing would be to bunk our beds, but I slept a top bunk while I was at SUNY Plattsburgh and I really don't feel like reliving that experience.

Also also, I got set up with the director of Learning Support, who is the guy I need to notify if my bipolar disorder takes a sudden downward swing, instead of just not telling anyone and suffering miserably in silence and failing everything. He was bald and had a short beard and yet he still reminded me incredibly strongly of (a slightly chubbier) Gareth David-Lloyd. It was the eyes, I honestly couldn't stop meeting his gaze. xD He was really nice, anyways, and his office is in the library so I'll probably be seeing a lot of him.

And, I made a friend! He's tiny and soft-spoken and stutters, and his name is Matt, and we talked about anime and vampires and made fun of Twilight together. xD

Now, I have a metric buttload of paperwork to fill out, most of it for the Medical Center. I have to find my vaccination record one more time, I really hope I put it somewhere I can locate it again because I can't remember what the hell I did with it but I have a few locations to check.

I am going to lose so much weight hiking my ass around campus, honestly. The whole thing is on a hill, my legs are going to be so unhappy with me tomorrow for all the inclined walking I did today.

And since it's the first Thursday of the month, Mom and Rachael and I are hitting the mall. I've had an awful lot of caffeine today compared to my usual (a large coffee, a Coke and a Pepsi) and I think I'm still going to get my delicious darling dark cherry mocha frappucino at the mall... so god only knows how I'll be sleeping tonight.
speccygeekgrrl42: (*YAY* : Chuck and Olive)
Two awesome things:

1. I am now a graduate, and I found out when I went to get my card that I graduated magna cum laude! I got a nifty silver tassel to go with my red-and-white one. Now I have three tassels hanging on my door: those two and the black and orange one from PHS. The ceremony was long, but I didn't take out my iPod even once after I made it to the gym. I was well behaved for a change. xD So that's pretty cool. I still have that one essay to do, but that'll be easy enough once I sit down and put my mind to it.

2. Remix is live! Someone took the first snippet of a ten-genre-snippet meme and turned it into an awesome story about how Christine Chapel is a total heroine and saves the day, not without complications. There is Joy in Repetition (But Sometimes You Have to Break Routine Extended Remix). Check it out.

...I really want to point people at the remix I did, but no. I can be good for a week.

Now, it's like 80 degrees out and I am melting. I might retreat to the basement and make good on my plans to watch all of the Tenth Doctor's episodes from the beginning... or, you know, start making good on the plans, since it's going to take me a while.
speccygeekgrrl42: (*YAY* : Chuck and Olive)


speccygeekgrrl42: (#vortex# gaze lowered : Gabrielle Gray)
A couple of days ago I downloaded an app to help me keep track of my calorie intake. I figure, shelling out $3 for something to help me lose weight isn't a bad deal. Of course, the only thing I've eaten is cookies yet, but... at least I know how many cookies I can eat and still theoretically lose weight.

I have to meet with Jessie at 6 to discuss our Ethics project. I don't really know how to tackle abortion from an ethical egoistic or utilitarian view and not come off totally anti-child. I'm not anti-child, I'm just anti-being forced to have a child you don't want and can't cope with. I should probably be working on that instead of catching up with Facebook, but... I don't know, I'll figure it out when we're working on it, I guess. We have two weeks to get it done.

I got a letter from Wells and apparently Dr. Aikman already sent in his recommendation for me. That means as soon as Alyssa sends it in, they'll be able to tell me whether I'm in or not. I am not nervous about this at all, and maybe if I keep telling myself that it will be true. Lisa really had to talk me down from having a panic attack right in her office while we were talking about it, it was bad. And she says I need to stop putting myself down because I really have all these good qualities, and I'll do fine, and obviously I AM smart enough to go there because I'm on the Dean's List and I'm a clear thinker, and... just, I need to stop lying to myself.

It makes sense that I'm worried, though. Because the last time I was doing well at a university, I had a total breakdown and had to leave school, and I don't want that to happen again. On the bright side, at least my grandmother can't die again to trigger my depression, that kind of thing only happens once. (Well, I have another grandmother but I don't love Vovoa as much as I loved Grandma, which sounds horrible and probably is. And I won't have to sit by Vovoa's bedside while she wastes away from cancer, which did a whole lot to fuck me up on top of losing Grandma altogether.) So really I don't have anything to worry about.

...that made no sense, did it? Whatever. The point is, I need to be prescribed Xanax or something because breathing exercises just don't cut it as far as keeping myself from freaking out goes, and I can't use DXM to knock me out of a panic cycle any more because it'll put me into serotonin shock and I really don't want to have any more seizures. I'm coming around to being straight-edge just because I can't do things like drink or get high now. Which sucks. Because I enjoy altered states of consciousness. But I'll settle for just being sane.

I really am sad to have to give up robotripping, though. It always made me feel like the world was a more bearable place, a feeling that stuck with me for a while after the drug wore off. And I'll always have fond memories of robotripping and watching Alice in Wonderland while Kristin and I had that waterbed in our apartment, and going walking around the Macdonough Monument at the asscrack of dawn.

I need to stop thinking in terms of "my life used to be awesome" and start thinking in terms of "my life will be awesome again." I will make friends. I will be happy. I will find a reason to keep going on. I will, one day, be a fully functioning, independent adult with a job and a home and friends and maybe a partner and definitely a cat, and I will keep my mood regulated, and I won't start smoking again, and I will be all right.

That's what I have to keep telling myself. Even if I'm not all right now, I will be all right someday.
speccygeekgrrl42: (#vortex# gaze lowered : Gabrielle Gray)
Okay. Here's my essay. If anybody wants to read it and tell me if it's... you know, college-application-worthy... that would be fantastic. The assignment was to talk about one person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

I am my mother's daughter. )
speccygeekgrrl42: (all work and no play : Mohinder)
I only have a couple more things to do for this Wells application. I need one more faculty recommendation, need to get the College Clearance Form to the Dean of Students, need to get a copy of my official transcript at CCC, and then all that's left is doing this stupid essay.

I shouldn't have this much trouble with an essay. Words are my thing. And it's obviously not hard to write about myself because I do it all the time here, albeit extremely informally.

Tomorrow I have to meet with Alice at 9:30 to start my VESID application. Next time she tries to schedule me that early, I'm going to tell her I need afternoon appointments. This isn't because I'm lazy, it's because invariably when I have something to do early in the morning I can't get to sleep the night before. ...although I'm not going to deny that I'm lazy.

Speaking of being lazy, I should probably get on my homework for this week already. I don't know if I'm going to do a biography for Western Civ this week, but at the very least I have to go back and finish the primary source on George Sand. It depends on whether anyone in this chapter strikes me as particularly interesting... and I can't do another woman, because we're supposed to have a fairly equal divide between the genders and so far three out of the necessary five have been women. And I have to write about Jeremy Bentham for Ethics. Did you know he's mummified and gets rolled out for board meetings at... some university in London, I don't remember which one. And they had to put his mummified head in a safe place apart from his body because it kept being stolen to play football with. I can't imagine a head would make a very good soccer ball.

I'm starting to think I'm never going to make it to the mall this month. Last week Mom wasn't up to it, this week Julia has too much homework, next week Mom's going to be gone... not that I should be spending money anyway. >.>

I'm just really bored right now and I don't want to do my homework because it's a boring kind of not-being-bored-anymore. Maybe I'll go take a bath.
speccygeekgrrl42: (bookworm at home : Gabriel)
I spent most of my afternoon putting my book collection into my LibraryThing. I did the west-side bookshelves and my to-read shelf. The east-side shelves will have to wait until I feel like turning around every thirty seconds. I'm up to 164 books so far. I think I'll probably end up somewhere around the 230 range without counting the ones in boxes in the basement.

I also caught up on Big Bang Theory. My plans to catch up on Fringe were derailed by people talking to me on AIM though. See, I never used to have that problem! But it's kind of nice making contact with people. Even if most of the people who talk to me are guys who think I'm hot, which is kind of unsettling. Where the ladies at? xD

I started the Wells College application last night and, ugh, I'm going to have to get my transcript from SUNY Plattsburgh. I think it's a total ripoff that I have to pay them for it. It's just a few freaking sheets of paper, seriously, it's not even like someone has to look through a file cabinet to find the information, you print it right off the computer. Anyway, I have my high school transcript already so I don't need to worry about that.

I am kind of worried about the faculty recommendation letters though. I mean, is it weird to go back to a teacher to ask them to do it? It can't be that weird, but I feel odd about asking Dr. Aikman to do one for me. I'm going to ask Alyssa to do the other one since she's had me as a teacher twice and I think she knows how I am as a student pretty well. This insecurity thing has got to ease up already.

Tomorrow at 9:30 I'm going to see Alice so she can help me with the application... I'm not exactly sure how she'll help, but whatever, it gives me a reason to be up at a normal kind of hour. Maybe I can even get some stuff done like going to the post office...

oh, tomorrow is my mother's birthday, too! It's a good thing I already have a card for her, I just have to write in it. It's kind of religious, so I feel a little bit disingenuous about giving it to her, but she'll like the sentiment. And I'm taking her out to Olive Garden for dinner on Thursday because that's when we go into Syracuse. I should probably do something like vacuum the house, too, just to be extra nice and stuff.

Matt asked me if I want to join a Serenity RPG on Saturday night. I don't know how I feel about that. On the one hand, getting out and socializing would be cool. On the other hand, it's been years and years since I've played a tabletop RPG and I don't want to be "that chick" or do it wrong or something.

Seriously, I used to have a little more self confidence than this, what happened to it? I'd like it back please.
speccygeekgrrl42: (perfectly innocent : Neal and Mozzie)
So my big dilemma today is whether or not to sign up for the White Collar Secret Valentine's Fic Exchange. On the one hand, exchanges are fun and I have been writing! On the other hand, what if nobody wants Mozzie/Neal? Because that's all I feel competent writing. Plus, pressure.

I am being all good-student-y in Mythology. I like the teacher and that always helps. Plus I have a lot to say and most of it makes sense. Today we watched most of O Brother Where Art Thou in class, which ran an hour late. I hearts that movie quite a bit.

Bad student news: I'm not eligible for Phi Theta Kappa (by 0.1 point) so I'm not going to get the $15K PTK scholarship they automatically give at Wells College. So, fuck me, is basically what I get. It's because of that goddamn gym class. One stupid fucking credit fucked me over and by the time I pull my grade up (because I will with this semester's classes, I am going to get an A in Western Civ and I will be shocked if I get anything but an A in Ethics and Myth) I'm going to be graduated and not a candidate any more. This really upsets me.

I finished Dead as a Doornail and am moving on to Definitely Dead next. I really can't wait for the next season of True Blood. Now that I have some idea of what's in store, I just want to see how it plays out on screen.

I just feel really tired about everything right now. I have to start this Wells College application and I don't have any extracurriculars, or anything really to make me look good, and I don't know what I'm going to do about the essay. Part of me just wants to quit before I can get rejected. The rest of me realizes how moronic that really is, but that doesn't stop me from feeling it.

From now on, when I want to cry, I'm going to Wii Fit instead. So that's what I'm going to go do now.
speccygeekgrrl42: (*awkward neck rub* : Castiel)
I completely botched my Personality final. Like, I will be relieved to get a C in the class, I botched it so badly. I could only answer two questions of the required three out of five.

On the bright side, I know I aced my Abnormal Psych test, so... three As out of five classes isn't bad, and I might pull a B in gym if my test grades weigh enough to pull up the minimal attendance score.

Considering how long I've been a total fuckup at school, this isn't a bad comeback semester. If I can do this well next semester I'll be lucky.

After the dismal failure, I went to talk my MBTI score over with a career counselor, who basically said that as a strong NFP, social worker is one of those ideal careers for me, and it's not unusual for a person to shift from introverted to extraverted or the other way around depending on life circumstances. So that's good. She also said that I shouldn't freak out too much about screwing up that test, so... I'm not going to worry about it.

It's done. I don't ever have to worry about it again. Thank everything good in the universe, I don't ever have to recall Eriksen's life stages or the types of defense mechanism or the definition of selfobject again.

...I did almost have a panic attack staring down that third question though. I could feel a crying fit coming on, so after five minutes of dredging my memory fruitlessly, I wrote "I'm sorry, I'm drawing a total blank and I think I'm about to have a panic attack, so I hope this doesn't mean I fail the class." and handed in the booklet.

I'm awesome like that. At least I know I'll do well on my last final.

Anyway, after that Julia and I went to the mall. She wanted to see Precious, and I really didn't want to see it at all so we got into a little fight and I feel kind of bad for telling her to put on her big girl panties and deal with waiting in the mall alone for half an hour while I went to see a movie I actually wanted to. Fail at sympathy, and also I'm a total hypocrite because I really dislike being alone in the mall myself. I went to see Boondock Saints: All Saints Day, which was all right for a sequel. It did what I asked of it: gave me pretty Irish boys and lots of gratuitous violence with some laughs thrown in. I think I'm going to watch the first one again tomorrow.

I also did a bad thing and went to the comics shop while waiting for Julia's movie to be over and bought myself the last three volumes of Ex Machina. Geek impulse buy. I might not deserve it, but I wanted it, so it's mine now.

The rest of tonight is Supernatural time.
speccygeekgrrl42: (only the things you want to happen:WTWTA)
I have Darling Clementine stuck in my head. I love the fruit, but this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I EAT ONE and it's really incredibly irritating.

Today I hit the ten hour mark on Wii Fit and my time piggybank turned bronze. I liked the old color! Oh well. I'm really put out by the fact that I didn't splurge over Thanksgiving really, I only had one small slice of my mother's delicious cheesecake and two small slices of pumpkin pie over the entire life span of those desserts, and I am still back up to 173.

I know that day to day fluctuations mean weighing yourself daily isn't a reasonable thing to do, but dammit, for two shining days I was 169 and it felt awesome.

This is silly and vain, but when I go back to Plattsburgh, I want people to tell me I look amazing. I know for damn sure I am not better off in Auburn, but I can at least look better.

In news that is better for my future and more positive all around, today Lisa told me that there's some program that helps people with mental illnesses pay for college-- so even though I won't be getting the Salvation Army scholarship any more, I could still get my bachelor's degree without taking out any more loans. This is awesome news. I would have to transfer, probably to a SUNY school, because I can't go any further at the community college. I could go back to Plattsburgh and do it right instead of fucking it all up like I did the first time. I'm never going to see the inside of the Honors center again, but who gives a damn about that? I could have Dr. Shuttleworth for a teacher!

Brief trip into the past: Spring 2004, I was so ridiculously depressed, I stopped going to classes, chopped off all my hair and dyed the rest black, had about eight different plans to kill myself, was in a really bad way in general. Finally I went to the health center and got set up to talk to a psychiatrist. That was Dr. Shuttleworth, and she was the best thing about the last month of that term. She kept me from flunking out entirely, set me up with a shrink outside of the college, and pretty much made my life bearable again.

The thought of being able to learn from her is like, the most academically exciting proposition I've had in years. I am more psyched about even the possibility of having her for a teacher than I am about getting my associate's.

I just... have to not fuck it up, basically. I know this is all really up in the air, but it's not just a daydream, I could make this happen for real.

Wow, this post really took a turn for the serious. And I still have that fucking song stuck in my head. Quick, someone tell me a joke!


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