speccygeekgrrl42: (Moriarty is not impressed.)
30. How you would like people to remember you

I want people to think better of me than I think of myself.

I'd like people to remember me as a good person who tried to make the world a better place. I'd like them to remember me happy. I'd like them to remember me for being passionate about things, for being unconventional, for being awesome. I'd like them to remember me for being well-loved.

I don't want to be remembered as crazy or stupid or depressed. I don't want to be remembered as the fuckup I usually feel that I am.

I would rather not be remembered at all than be remembered in a negative way.
speccygeekgrrl42: (sleep. : Rusty)
29. Whether you’re a night owl or a morning lark

I used to be a total night owl. While I was at Wells I became a bit of a morning lark. Now I'm an afternoon something, I don't like early mornings and I don't like late nights either. I prefer to wake up around 10 and go to bed around midnight or a little earlier.
speccygeekgrrl42: (are you done? / no. : TBBT)
28. What you look for in a friend

I look for a lot of the same things I look for in a partner, actually. Because I usually date my friends, this works out well.

I definitely require intelligence. It doesn't have to be book-smarts, I also like people who are creatively smart or just clever, but I like being able to make wordplay with my friends. I like compassionate people; I have very little association with people who like to be cruel.

Mostly I am friends with people who share my opinions about politics, especially social issues, which is probably partly because I joined a bunch of liberal-oriented clubs at college and the people there were very unlikely to hold conservative views. But I have already talked about how politics affects the way I view people in this meme. I am not that picky about religion-- most of my friends are atheists, but I do have some friends who are very serious about their Christianity. I care more about how you treat other people than about what you believe in.

I like geeky people. It doesn't matter what they're geeky about (as long as it isn't only sports, I don't have that many friends who like sports and the ones who do don't seem to mind when I glaze over when they bring sports up), but it helps when we have something in common.

I don't know, I like people who are passionate about something. People who like to make the world a better place. People who can hold a long conversation late at night over a cup of tea. People who are awesome, even if they don't know they're awesome.
speccygeekgrrl42: (two of swords)
25. Your religious beliefs

I used to be religious. I'm not any more. I think there are a lot of good ideas in religion, but they get bogged down by the morons who claim to be part of that religion doing hateful things to other people. I think Jesus was pretty cool, but I only keep half of his commmandments ("Love your neighbor" I do pretty well, "Love God", not so much). I like Buddhism more than any other religion, but I don't think I could actually keep to it.

I am spiritual, though. I believe that there is something in the universe more than just science; I don't know what it is, but I like to think that it's benevolent. I don't believe in ghosts, I don't believe in angels, I do believe in the soul but I don't believe in soulmates any more (I used to when I was younger). I believe that you can tap into the universe in different ways. I mean, I do pretty accurate tarot card readings. I can't believe that it's just coincidence or cold reading (because I suck at cold reading, mostly).

I think the world would be better if people focused less on religion and more on basic decency and compassion and kindness. I think it would be better if people had to take classes about the Bible before they're allowed to thump it, and I don't mean Sunday school. I think it would be better if everyone shunned the extremists of every religion and shamed them into submission instead of doing things like bombing abortion clinics and strapping bombs to themselves. I honestly think the world would be better without religion but a lot of people would have no moral code if they weren't afraid of going to Hell, because most people are miserable and cruel when given the opportunity to be so.

26. Your perfect night out

I'm taking this to mean a date, because my perfect night involves someone I love. Start out with dinner at a really good sushi restaurant. Go to some kind of concert after that (I like indie, but I also like other kinds of music). Stop somewhere for a cup of tea and dessert. Maybe take a walk to look at the stars for a while; if we can find some dark place to lay out a blanket and cuddle, all the better. Come home, share a shower, tumble into bed and spend a lot of time making each other feel good before falling asleep curled together.

27. Whether you like to plan ahead or be spontaneous

I like to have plans. I can be spontaneous, but I prefer to have an idea of what is going on before it happens. Even if it's just a rough idea. I don't need things to be specific to the last detail, but I don't really like surprises very much.
speccygeekgrrl42: (Hulk smash!)
24. Your political views

I.. have already said a lot of my political beliefs in this meme already. If you can't tell, I'm extremely liberal, something of a socialist, I could be accused of wanting to be a social engineer (or a eugenicist, if you were feeling unkind), I am strongly concerned with equality and nondiscrimination, women's rights, the environment, and social safety nets.

And, you know, I want to eliminate a lot of extreme conservatives from the face of the planet, but that's more because I think they're a fucking cancer on society than anything else. (Eugenics.)

I get very angry about politics very easily these days. I will calm down come November, unless I go on a killing spree on November 7th. Which I don't think will happen, but... you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
speccygeekgrrl42: (:))
23. Three achievements you’re proud of

1. Finally earning my bachelor's degree, nine years after starting college. (I'm proud of the associate's too, but that was a stepping stone.)
2. Having poetry published (even though it was just in a Wells magazine)
3. Running a drag show that was so successful it won Best Program of the Year
speccygeekgrrl42: (a bit not good. : Mycroft)
22. A friendship you lost

So I used to have a best friend in middle school. I moved away but we stayed friends, we would write each other and call each other, and she was really awesome. Then we decided to go to the same college and we were roommates in a high-rise dorm. Unfortunately she brought her boyfriend with her and he mostly lived in our room too. They're the people who really got me into smoking weed and listening to Radiohead and reading Palahniuk.

Then they decided not to come back for the spring semester. Which I was sad about, but I had my own problems including a massive depressive episode and my first really consensual sexual experience (which completely backfired on me). So she left and I didn't really worry about her too much.

Then a little while later she sent me an invitation to her wedding. I was deep in the grip of depression at that point, I had dropped out of college, I didn't have a job, I was completely useless and I didn't want all these people who knew me as a brilliant person in middle school to see what a miserable job I was doing at being an adult. So I didn't even send in the RSVP, I didn't go even though my parents said they would pay for me to get there, and I haven't really spoken to her at all since then.

It's totally my fault that we aren't friends any more, and I still regret the way I handled it. (I regret pretty much every interpersonal decision I make when I'm depressed. I'm sorry for how things ended with Derek and Kait, too. I fuck things up a lot when I'm depressed.) And I don't even know how to begin apologizing for it.

And I really dislike her husband, so I'm not that anxious to be part of her life again. I miss her sometimes, but... I seem to have a shelf life for friendship. People don't last very long. Brian is a statistical anomaly, lasting longer than a decade. A lot of my friendships fall apart around the five-year mark. People get sick of me.

I'm trying to be the kind of person that people want to keep in their lives. I don't even want to think about what I will do to myself if Phillip and Shane ever decide to break up with me. It's not going to be pretty.
speccygeekgrrl42: (an excellent listener. : John)
20. Whether you’re an extrovert or an introvert

This is actually a hard question to answer. Most of my life, I've been an introvert. Which isn't to say I'm not a social person, but I needed time to recharge myself after spending time with people. But when I left Cayuga Community, I got the career counselor to let me take the official Myers-Briggs inventory, and I came up very narrowly an extrovert (I mean like 54%, narrowly), which wasn't really enough of a result for me to stop calling myself an INFP. (The rest of it-- NFP-- turned out like I expected.)

And then I got to Wells and I wanted to spend time with people all the time. Which was more of a problem when my best friend was a serious introvert who needed a lot of alone time, but got better when I made a lot more friends who liked to hang out in public lounges and just be together. I joined a lot of clubs. I started roleplaying. I made a point of talking to people and not spending a lot of time alone. I was definitely an extrovert while I was at Wells.

But now I think I'm back to being an introvert. I need a lot of alone time (although I'm very much looking forward to not having any alone time while Phillip and Shane-- who are both also introverts-- are here). I still crave companionship, but on a smaller scale. I still talk to people, but I'm not quite as outgoing as I was six months ago.

So... I am an introvert with extroverted tendencies? I guess.
speccygeekgrrl42: (evil looks good on you. : Rusty)
19. The style of clothing you feel most comfortable in

Speed suits, of course. They're the height of fashion.

No but seriously, I wear a lot of casual clothing. I own like 60 t-shirts, I could live in my shorts all summer and my jeans for the rest of the year. I like to dress up, I like wearing dresses, or button-up shirts and slacks and sweatervests, and I do love my sweater collection, but t-shirts and henleys are where it's at as far as comfort goes.

I'm kind of bummed out that I have to wear polo shirts for work, but I just got three new ones, so I should only have to do laundry once a week...
speccygeekgrrl42: (ARGH DAMMIT FUCK : Spock)
18. A question or comment people should never make to you

Just never indicate to me that you are a social conservative because I will immediately lose most of my respect for you. You oppose marriage equality/abortion and birth control access/nondiscrimination acts/Medicaid/food stamps/Pell grants/saving the environment? Eat a dick and choke on it. You oppose those things and support the second amendment furiously? Have a gun accident, please. Support drug prohibition and drink copious amounts of alcohol? Die from alcohol poisoning.

I just have no patience any more for jackoffs who think that making life livable for more people is somehow a bad thing. People who try to take my rights away deserve to be kicked in the balls (because the great majority of them are men, and the women can get ovary-punched). People who want to cut the social safety net should be robbed. People who want to cut education funding should be kicked in the head until they are mentally incompetent. People who speed up the fact that we're ruining the earth should be shot into space in cardboard boxes. I would particularly like to kill the people who are promoting fracking. Let them drink fracking wastewater, since they're so happy to pour it into watersheds, and let all their hair fall out and their skin slough off and their internal organs just say "fuck it, we give up."

We have too many people on this planet and I am fully in support of eliminating the ones who think their bank accounts make them more important than people who have less money than they do. Especially the lawmakers. Oh man, I just want to round up the Tea Party and send them on a cruise to a remote island and then drop an atomic bomb on the island. I want Mitt Romney to trip down a very long flight of stairs.

Maybe I am a horrible person but I just want these people to shrivel up and die in miserable, painful, ironic ways.
speccygeekgrrl42: (*wtf?* : John)
17. What you do at work

I have no idea what I will be doing at work for realsies. I just started orientation today, I won't be training in my department until next week. I'm going to be selling baked goods out of the display case and probably doing the floor displays, or at least keeping them stocked. I don't actually get to bake.
speccygeekgrrl42: (adorable lab rat : Charles)
16. Your worst illness

Yeah, that would be the bipolar disorder. It is a chronic illness that can be debilitating if left untreated. I have to take medication every day just to feel normal; when I stop taking it, I go downhill fast. I have mostly been normal for the past few years, the meds keep me from having episodes-- sometimes I get mildly manic or slightly depressed, and I got majorly depressed on birth control, but for the most part I have been okay. Before I was on medication, I would cycle multiple times in a day on a bad day. I did a lot of stupid shit when I was manic, and I didn't do anything at all when I was depressed, including maintaining relationships or keeping up with my classes.

Still, I don't even know what I would be like if I wasn't bipolar. I wouldn't be the same person. I'm not happy I have to deal with it, but I am glad to be the person I am.
speccygeekgrrl42: (get high and seduce Watson)
14. What your life was like ten years ago

If you really want to know you can go back in my LJ and find out. I was keeping this journal in 2002.

No but seriously. I was still in high school, I was bipolar but it wasn't out of control at that point, I had my first really significant romantic relationship, my best friend went to college and I got my first taste of college culture visiting her, I was really into anime and manga and Star Trek and MST3K, I didn't like my sisters, I didn't like my parents very much, I thought my brother was okay though. I was RPing a lot online and writing really terrible fanfiction based on cartoons, and even worse poetry. I was losing my iron grip at the top scores in my graduating class and I didn't care that much. I think I had my first alcoholic beverage that year (it was a White Russian). I think I smoked weed for the first time that year. I wasn't a very wild person. I took a lot of naps.

15. How much alcohol you drink

Hardly any, really. I've had three drinks in the past month, so... less than a drink a week. Two of those were at a restaurant and one was at the Renaissance Faire. Partly it's because I don't have any money, but I do have alcohol, I'm just not drinking it. I'll probably buy a bottle of wine a month or something once I do have money. I'm not much of a drinker, I prefer to get high than drunk.
speccygeekgrrl42: (glass of wine : Dr. Mrs. The Monarch)
13. Foods you love and foods you hate

Foods I love: chicken tikka masala, samosas, kashmiri naan, vegetable curry, couscous, pasta salad, kale soup, Portuguese rolls, linguica pizza with green peppers, BBQ chicken pizza with red onions, Hawaiian pizza, chicken enchiladas, soft shelled tacos with guacamole, fettucine alfredo, french fries, white Stilton with cranberries, mild white cheddar, smoked gouda, mozzarella sticks, jalapeno poppers, baby spinach, black olives, green olives, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers, Fuji apples, Gala apples, Macintosh apples, pears, peaches, plums, cherries, strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, watermelon, cantaloupe, milk chocolate, Almond Joy, Lindor truffles, Kit Kat, peanut butter cups, Dots, dried apricots, dried cranberries, peanuts, almonds, walnuts, cashews, sunflower seeds, chocolate chip cookies, brownies, cheesecake, apple pie, berry pie, pumpkin pie, and most of all, tiramisu.

Foods I hate: mushrooms, Brussels sprouts, meatloaf, banana cream pie, Key lime pie, eggplant, raw onions, venison, honestly I'm not all that picky but I won't eat these if I can avoid it.
speccygeekgrrl42: (:()
11. Your kids, or your feelings about having kids

No. No. No, no, no fucking way, not in this lifetime. I have already been more than clear about this fairly recently in this LJ and I'm not going to reiterate that post, but: No.
speccygeekgrrl42: (and it was good. : Spock/Kirk/McCoy)
10. What you look for in a partner

I sort of touched on this yesterday, but I'll say it again: intelligence. I can't start a relationship with someone who isn't mentally up to speed with me. I'm not saying people are dumb, but... a lot of people are not very smart, and I prefer to be around smart people. Intelligence turns me on. Even if I don't know anything about someone's area of interest, if I can see that they're competent in it, that's hot. (Which is why I get crushes on people like Brian Cox and Neil deGrasse Tyson. Astrophysics are sexy.) Intelligence, competence, and curiosity are necessary.

Aside from that, compassion is a big one. Part of the reason I couldn't get over my crush on Phillip (although there were many, many reasons, and I'm glad I didn't) was that he reacted so compassionately to me when he found out I was in love with him. It would have been very easy for him to be cruel to me, and honestly I was more used to people being cruel when they found out I love them, but he is inherently a kind person, and he treated me well. Compassion, kindness, treating everyone right, those are important to me. Politeness is a big thing. And if my pets like a person, I will probably like them more.

Dressing well is a good way to catch my eye, but that won't be a reason I stick around. It helps to be cute, but my standards of attraction are not entirely conventional, and I can't really define them. Compatibility on social and political issues is important-- I don't think I could date a Republican or a social conservative. Sexual compatibility is important but not in the top five important things. Emotional compatibility ranks higher. And as weird as this sounds, it's been shown in a study that people with mental illnesses tend to cluster, and I do find myself more attracted to people who have some kind of mental illness (not consciously! it's just a thing that seems to happen without my realizing it). Is it more complicated to work a relationship when you're talking about a bipolar person and a depressed person? Yeah. But it's worth it. I'd rather be there and supportive when they're having a down day(/week/month) and get that support in return when I'm not doing so well at being stable. Also, incidence of mental illness is higher among more intelligent people, so... my sample is biased? Or something.

But yeah, supportiveness is important. We don't have to share hobbies, but it's nice to know that you're encouraged to do what makes you happy instead of having them put it down. (I know Phillip doesn't like fandom/fanfiction, so I don't talk about it with him, but when I mention something I'm working on that's fan-related, he's nothing but supportive. And he knows I don't like horror movies, so he doesn't ask me to watch them with him, but Shane is up for them, and I'm glad they like them. We don't participate in each other's things, but we aren't negative about the things we don't share.) And it's always nice to have someone who's willing to read my poetry (although now that the majority of my poetry is about the two of them, it would be weird for them not to read it), and tell me they like it, or make suggestions how to improve it (although neither of them is a poet, and the constructive feedback is rare).

I probably forgot about something important, but this looks like a pretty solid list of what I look for in a partner.
speccygeekgrrl42: (supervillains are kinky : Dr. Girlfriend)
9. Your sexuality

I'm pansexual. What this means in practical terms is that I am attracted to people and not to genitalia. I don't care what you have between your legs as long as I think you're sexy.

I called myself bisexual for a long time without ever really thinking about how limiting that designation actually is. Because there's not just two genders, there's a whole spectrum of them. I started calling myself pansexual after I got to Wells and got a crush on someone I didn't realise was transgender until he told me. Then I started dating someone who identified, when we started dating, as genderqueer. Now he identifies as trans.

I have been in love with men who have penises and men who have vaginas and women who have vaginas (but not, yet, a woman who has a penis, but I'm not counting her out of the running). I honestly don't care what's between their legs as long as I can do something with it to make them feel good, if they want to let me.

I also identify as sapiosexual, which means I get off on intelligent people. The smarter you are, the faster my panties combust. This is why I am dating two very smart people. This is also why I dove headfirst into Sherlock Holmes fandom and never looked back. I want to be able to have intellectual conversations with anyone I decide to fuck. (This has not always been the case, but we don't talk about those bad decisions.) I like readers, writers, historians, mathematicians, physicists, programmers, biologists, chemists, psychologists, and people who speak multiple languages. (I do not like philosophers so much. I do not think I would fuck a philosopher if that was their day job.) I like people who could moonlight as evil geniuses (and I think one of my boyfriends definitely qualifies here). I like people who laugh at xkcd.

I'm also... I guess mildly? Mildly kinky. There are a lot of things I'm not comfortable with, but I'm trying to expand my horizons (and be GGG for the partner who is significantly kinkier than I am). The three of us are at completely different levels (not at all - mildly - very) but I think we can make it work, we're all intelligent and willing to try new things. I really like perception play, things like intoxication and verge-of-sleep intimacy, textures and tastes and scents and temperatures, I like hearing my lovers, I like watching them. I like playing dress-up, and roleplaying. I like a slow build to a crescendo. I like working someone over until they ask me for what they want. Oh, I really like making people ask for what they want. I beg far too quickly, I am not afraid to say "please," but when you get someone reticent to get past that control, that's fucking awesome.

I'm sex-positive. I think people should be honest about what they want. I think we should teach middle schoolers about masturbation so they don't go knocking each other up/getting knocked up when they're in high school. I think there's no excuse for having unsafe sex unless you're participating in risk-aware consensual kink, and even that is a kind of safe, except when it's really really not. I think that condoms should be covered by insurance as a form of birth control, and every bedroom should have some, except for maybe the bedrooms of lesbians but even then you can use a condom to cover a sex toy so why not have some on hand, and you never know when you're going to go outside your normal routine and it's better to have them just in case there's ever a penis in your bed, and probably you should also have dental dams although those definitely aren't birth control.

Okay, I think that's about it.
speccygeekgrrl42: (nose-deep in a book : Sherlock)
8. Your oldest hobby

My oldest hobby is reading. I learned how to read when I was two, and I haven't stopped doing it since then.

If you need something more specific, then my oldest hobby is reading fanfiction, because I started doing that when I was ten.

edit: Actually I've been reading fantasy longer than I have fanfiction, I think, or they started at just around the same time... but I've also written stories since I learned how to write, so writing could also be a valid answer for this one.

I'm too tired to elaborate, sorry. If you want to know more, say so and I'll say more tomorrow.
speccygeekgrrl42: (don't give away your heart : Mohinder)
7. Your first boyfriend or girlfriend

My first real, actual, wanted-to-kiss-him boyfriend was Dan. We decided to have a long-distance relationship when I moved away from Suffern when I was 13, and we wrote letters to each other (and read each other's Gundam Wing fanfiction), and he came to visit me for my birthday and didn't kiss me. Then he came out to me and broke my heart. I was blindsided, although that was silly of me in retrospect.

That was when I stopped making plans for the future that involved other people. Until I started going to all these weddings this summer, I never gave serious thought to marrying anyone after that point.... and now, you know, it's kind of legally impossible to marry both of them and I wouldn't want to leave either of them out, but. Thoughts of committment ceremonies are deeply silly when you've only been all together for three months (even if the love has been there for almost two years/a year and a third). I don't want to be an Overly Attached Girlfriend. But it is still nice to daydream about.
speccygeekgrrl42: (...wait for it.... : Spock)
6. Your favourite and least favourite subjects at school

In elementary school, my favorite subject was reading, and my least favorite was... math, I think.
In middle school, my favorite was French, but that was mostly because of the teacher, and my least favorite was keyboarding.
In high school, my favorite was English (especially electives), and my least favorite was math.
In college, my favorite was English some semesters and Psych some semesters, and my least favorite was a required Psych course but I also disliked the math I had to take.

So: yay words, boo numbers.

I was never bad at math, I just didn't enjoy it very much.

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