speccygeekgrrl42: (***SORT LIFE OUT*** : Shaun of the Dead)
For the first time in two and a half years... a vlog.

speccygeekgrrl42: (I am not sure what I am going to do)
So it's been four months since my last post... four months which have included four concerts, a live Night Vale show, my 30th birthday, two new tattoos, a visit to Plattsburgh, a day trip to Newburgh, several visits from Chris, and... shit, I don't know, a lot of things. It's been a pretty solidly awesome four months.

The Night Vale show was pretty great, I met up with a couple other library folks at the Egg but I bought my ticket alone so I was sitting by myself and I had really good close seats. Mary Epworth was the Weather and apparently her pianist is also her husband and she told a story about writing a song about a boy and moving away and moving back when he was moving away and almost missing him and ended it by pointing at him and it was just really cute.

I went to a Reading Music event at the library which is where they take an author and get a local musician to do a bunch of songs about them/their works. This one was about Philip K. Dick and the local musician was Tom McWatters and it was just absolutely super cool. There's another one next week about Kurt Vonnegut that I'm pretty excited about.

I went to Albany Comic Con at the beginning of June in full khaleesi regalia-- a friend/admirer bought me a tailored version of Daenerys' Qarth dress and it looks really good on me. I was hoping to wear it to Faire but I don't know if I can afford Faire this year. :/

I got to see Fall Out Boyat the end of June for the second time in my life, with Sadie and Emily-- it was Emily's first concert of all and she was kind of emotionally overwrought by it, which I totally understand, I remember crying like a little girl during Golden the first time I saw them. It was an excellent show, very high energy, they played all their hits and even though I've been spoiled by the Mountain Goats and Dave Matthews and their unique set lists it was still awesome. They did a couple of songs acoustic on the lawn and even though Sadie and I ran back all we could see was Joe's jewfro, lol. But, yes, my love for them is just as strong if not stronger than it was in 2007. I've kind of been... just listening to their entire discography kind of obsessively since June. I have 2000 listens in the past three months. I came to the realization that Pete Wentz is my psychological touchstone for when I feel insecure about being a 30 year old bipolar emo kid (since he's a 36 year old bipolar emo kid and seems to be doing okay) and his words STILL get me right in the chest every time. And I somehow went from liking Folie a Deux least of their albums to liking it second best (nothing's going to knock From Under the Cork Tree out of my favorite spot). But yeah, it was REALLY good to see Emily, I'm so glad she could visit.

A week and a half later I was back at SPAC with Brian to see Dave Matthews Band again, which is always an enjoyable experience. It rained on the way there but cleared up by the time we found seats on the lawn, and it was a great show, I'm a huge fan of the acoustic set and then the electric set splitup. It's kind of staggering realizing exactly how long Brian and I have been friends, our friendship is old enough to buy porn now. He's the only person I'm still in any real contact with from that era of my life, and I'm just... really happy that we're still friends after the strange trajectories both our lives took after middle school.

I did hear about another friend from that era recently though. Apparently the woman who was my best friend back in those days developed bipolar disorder this year and her husband came to me for information about what was happening/how to cope with it. And it's... scary realizing that just because I never went full blown manic doesn't mean I couldn't do it some day, that just because I have a handle on it now doesn't mean I always will, and that the life I have built for myself is so precarious that one stint in the psych ward could take it all away from me. But for now I'm okay.

Then my birthday rolled around. I dyed the front of my hair electric blue. I got inked by an artist Ginni highly recommended to me. Her name is Emily Clute and she works at Alectric City Tattoo in Schenectady, and she's SUPER GOOD at cute and nerdy tats. So now I have DJ Pusheen on my left ankle and the coordinates to Wells College in my own handwriting in blue and green on my right ankle. Right after getting inked, I met up with 11 people for hibachi and sushi and had a great time, and then 9 of them came home with me for a night of ciders and board games. I finally got to play Dead of Winter and I NEED TO OWN IT. We also played Chrononauts, which I think I might have enjoyed more if it hadn't been the US-specific version, and which I ended by TEARING THE FUCKING UNIVERSE TO SHREDS WITH PARADOXES. Yeaaaaah. That was Saturday, Sunday (the actual day of birth) was spent doing chores with Chris and making a healthy dinner of crispy chicken and caprese salad. Very low-key with my birthday buddy.

The week after that, I got to see Motion City Soundtrack on their Commit This to Memory tour-- so they played the entire album straight through, which was fucking intense, and then the encore was really more of a second set of their other popular songs. I was flying high on pop punk at that point already and just had the most wonderful time there. I was there with Stef and her boyfriend Rob (who I like, he's cool) and our coworker Mia, and we just wallowed around in early 00's pop punk and rocked the fuck out. Also, Justin Pierre is like the literal definition of ADORKABLE.

At the beginning of August I got kidnapped to Plattsburgh for Sadie's birthday and had a pretty good time up there. Got to see and hang out with Amber and Kristin, spent a lot of time with Sadie, ate a poutine, went to Koto for dinner, colored a mandala for Sadie to hang on her fridge. I missed work on Monday because we left Plattsburgh late and drove straight through Albany to get to Newburgh because Sadie wanted pizza and cannoli from a certain place, so we picked up Nancy in Albany and kept going. It was an adventure! I had a good time. We also discovered on that trip that Patrick Stump is a weather god and the sound of his voice repels rainstorms. Change the music from FOB: instant thunderstorm. Change it back to FOB: storm gone within two songs. It happened multiple times. Patrick is magic.

Chris came to visit a few times, he was here for our mutual birthday and again last weekend, I was hoping to have him this weekend for Altamont Fair or next weekend for Tanglewood but neither of those happened/will happen. It's always nice having him here. He got passed up for a job in Albany, which made him really depressed for a bit, and I'm sad too, that he has to stay in a job he hates instead of coming here with me.

My coworker Katie went on maternity leave last week and had her baby this morning. Cute little fat faced girl.

I'm trying to shift my sleep schedule back so I can wake up at 6:45 instead of 7:15 and catch the next earliest bus to work so I am never two minutes late again because apparently my minor tardiness is a huge fucking problem and, basically, I just need to lie more to my supervisor is what they're teaching me, so... whatever. Let's see if I can be an adult or if I suck too much to wake up early.

I had a huge crisis of confidence this week because.... I'm 30 years old, I have blue hair, I have been buying a lot of clothes I love from Hot Topic lately, all I listen to is pop punk, I'm writing a huge involved story that very few people care about, and not making much progress on that lately, I'm having problems at work, I've functionally turned myself asexual in the past year, and... what the fuck am I doing with my life? That's when I realized that Pete Wentz is my power animal. If he can make it, I can make it. I might not have a brilliant best friend translating my words into hit songs, but I'll take what I've got.

So it's been a mostly great few months. Not really sure how the next few months are going to go, but I'm hopeful. I'd like to get back on track with my writing. I have a bunch of adult coloring books, I need to do that and meditate. I have a bunch of books to read, but all I'm reading lately is fanfic.

I'll get my shit together. It's mostly together. I just need a little help to get me through it.
speccygeekgrrl42: (music is life.)
Okay, I've been putting off making this post because I've been going full-bore on my fiction since I got home from Boston (I'm talking like just under 10,000 words in a week) but I can't keep writing fiction at work (mostly because everything devolves into porn at some point and I happen to be at that point in a lot of stories right now) so I'm gonna finally give a report on the marvelous week I had last week!

I took Monday off from work because I really didn't feel like going in (I called in sick, I should have just done the smart thing and taken the whole week off but I didn't have the hours saved to cover it) and spent the day writing before Amber and Kristin picked me up just after 5 and we hit the road to New Bedford. The ride east was soundtracked by the Mountain Goats (for about four hours, yes) and I pointed out songs I thought they were likely to play. When we made it to my parents' house, my mom had made chicken chili (which was delicious) and we went for a walk with my mother along the beach. When we came back we cleared the kitchen table to play Star Trek Catan (I had the longest supply chain until literally the last move when Amber took it and won) and then Cards Against Humanity with Julia, and Kristin did my nails with her cool nail pens (cute dots <3) and then I had to pass out because I was exhausted.

Tuesday we set out for Boston around 1:30ish, actually found a place to park the car at like 3:15, and then set out to navigate the city with our dying cell phones and a sense of adventure. We took the T to Quincy Market and did a little shopping (Kristin and I hit Newbury Comics! I bought a Targaryen banner for my living room and a cute graphic novel about gay newlyweds), and then had to actually get from the market to the T station using the actual posted maps on the city sidewalks (and we were BAD at it at first) to get back to Fenway, where there was a game happening, and the House of Blues, which is right across the street from Fenway. SO MANY PEOPLE. We went into the attached restaurant for a bite before the concert, and then Tim met us as we were going in (right as my purse strap broke, but Kristin had a Bag of Holding that fit my purse AND all her stuff AND a pair of shoes) and we got a pretty good vantage point to the stage. I had a direct line of sight to John Darnielle for the entire concert except part of the second encore.

The Mountain Goats show was PHENOMENAL. Right at the start, John was like "This might be the largest crowd we've played as headliners... so thank you for being here!" and I was like, YES, I am glad to be part of this crowd! They played a lot of stuff from the new album Beat the Champ, but also a lot of songs off Sunset Tree (which made me really happy) and Transcendental Youth. I can't even describe the energy in the room when he encouraged us to sing along to Up the Wolves, or when a whole venue full of people were howling about stabbing someone in the eye with a foreign object. It was just so amazing. They played two encores-- and I should have KNOWN they'd come back a second time because they hadn't done No Children, lol. I absolutely love seeing the Mountain Goats, this was my fifth show, and it was by far the best show. I was floating on a concert haze clear through the next morning. I did assemble the set list into a zip file, if anyone is interested you can download it here. (and here's the song I didn't have before I zipped it: Steal Smoked Fish)

So, both my phone and Amber's phone were totally dead by then, but before they had died I had written down the transit instructions to get from the House of Blues to the garage... or where we thought was the garage. I looked for 18 Warren St, which turned out to be close to a bus hub, but was DEFINITELY not a garage. So we asked a transit cop how to get where we were going and showed him our ticket from parking, and he told us how to get to a garage... that was not the garage we needed. We ended up near Northwestern University, and in an act of desperation at about 11:30pm I was like "fuck it, we're asking university cops for help." The cops handed us over to a guy who was working the desk in what I think was an upscale dorm building, and he was like "You ladies are clean across the city from where you need to be." So, rather than deal with MBTA any more, we had him call us a cab to take us to the garage... which turned out to be 18 Warren Ave. Not St. We got to the car around midnight (it was valet parking and we couldn't find anyone to give us the keys until we were like "fuck it, we're gonna yell" and it turned out the guy was right around the corner, but he'd had headphones on so he didn't hear us talking) and drove to Framingham, where my dad had arranged a room for us at the EconoLodge, because my dad is a hero and we probably would have died if we tried to drive back to Albany in one shot.

In the morning we headed back to NY. Kristin wanted to hear all the songs the Goats played, and I did have like 90% of them on my Kindle already. And then I just kind of flipped around the rest of what was on there, which really wasn't much, somehow my Kindle playlists got wiped. Oops. They dropped me off in Rensselaer around 1pm and headed north. It was a WONDERFUL time, it was so good to hang out with Kristin and Amber again and have awesome adventures.

When I got back into Albany, I had arranged to hang out with this guy Jon I've been talking to on Facebook for a while now. He also has bipolar disorder. And he's going through an emotionally messy breakup, and he needs to get his mind off his ex. So I invited him over to watch Game of Thrones and ended up playing armchair therapist (you know, like I do) for a couple of hours. Then he drove me into Albany for the second concert in two days. I hadn't bought my tickets with anyone else, so I ended up at the Palace alone to see Sufjan Stevens. I generally do not like doing media consumption things alone-- concerts, movies, tv shows, whatever, I like having someone to talk with about things as they're happening-- but honestly, this was a great concert for me to be on my own for. The light show was pretty awesome. They played pretty much the entire new album Carrie and Lowell, and also a few songs from Seven Swans (and they did The Dress Looks Nice On You as an encore! LOVE.) and Illinois and Michigan. I didn't realize how GODDAMN ADORABLE Sufjan Stevens actually is, and the rest of the band was pretty cute too. The Palace was absolutely packed with hipsters. It was kind of amusing to realize I was sitting there surrounded by hipsters insisting to myself that I'm not a hipster. (I really don't think I am a hipster, but I do have some hipster-ish tendencies.)

Oh, okay, a cute thing happened on the subway in Boston. We were going from Haymarket to Fenway, and we'd managed to actually get seats on the train, and I was sitting right in front of a pair of doors. And there was a guy standing in the stairwell just kind of doing that mass transit not looking at anyone thing, but he was super nerd cute, so like halfway through the ride I was just like "Excuse me, I don't know what public transportation etiquette is for this, can I compliment you without it being weird?" And he was like "...what?" and I told him "You're just REALLY cute." And he got a little flustered and couldn't keep a smile off his face for the rest of the trip, and we talked a little bit about where we were going (he assumed we were going to Fenway, I was like "hah no"), but it was clear that I made his day by saying that to him. He wasn't like, traditional cute, but he was nerd cute and you all know I'm weak for nerd cute. So that was my random act of kindness. Macking on a nerd in a polite way. lol.

So that was Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday I watched 5x01 of Game of Thrones with Claudia and Robert. Friday I kind of lost my mind because I hadn't been able to write since Monday and I couldn't get the words to work on Friday night. But they came back Saturday and I wrote about 4000 words over the weekend. Sunday night was one of those awful semiconscious-all-night nights, and Monday morning I had vertigo too bad to stand up for a minute, let alone get to the bus, so I called in to work and managed about 2000 more words. Tuesday (yesterday) I got about 3000 words written of brand new things, because of course I'm going to write new things when I have a self-imposed deadline of tomorrow on Quentin's birthday story because I want to post it on his actual birthday.

...so I've been kind of going totally crazy over my original writing. I've put so much work into my timeline and I still have so much to do, but I'm enjoying it so much. I know I started the year with Paul and Orly and I am going to come back to them, but in February I started with Quentin and Tyler Jordan and now I CAN'T STOP WRITING THOSE TWO IDIOTS. And it's just... so fascinating for me to be writing this all out of order and dropping hints and foreshadowing and following Quentin from the total maladjusted closet case he started the series as to the mostly well adjusted individual he becomes as he slowly learns that he's worth something and that lying to other people and himself about who he actually is just isn't worth the effort any more when he has people who will like the real him. I've got stories through May/June 2016, and it's just.... I know I'm writing him and he's doing the things I want him to do but I'm still SO PROUD OF HIM for all the growth he's doing and all the places he still has to go.

I don't know, I'm just stupidly attached to Quentin. He's so flawed and he's still going to be flawed-- nothing's going to change him from being overly argumentative and painfully self-conscious-- but he's learning not to hate himself because Tyler Jordan is showing him he's worth loving. No one really ever told him that before and it’s a lesson that takes a lot of reinforcing to really sink in, but over the course of a few years he’s learning it. So… let’s hear it for the redeeming power of love, because fiction is the only place it works like that. And, you know, writing a LOT of porn because they’re young and crazy about each other and they’re both pretty kinky so there’s a whole lot of interesting things to write. Fumbling attempts at kink negotiation slowly smoothing out and being better handled as they go along, that sort of thing. I never run out of ideas! If I don’t want to write porn, I write something romantic, or some funny little slice of life scene, and it all fits into the timeline somewhere so EVERYTHING I WRITE MATTERS. Even if it only matters to me and like two other people. It all makes sense in order even if only like one person is reading it in order.

But now I’m getting fancy! Most of my stories only have two or three people in them, but I’m working on a family dinner scene with all the Kinley brothers, both the Graham brothers, and Donna Kinley. And it’s kind of fun actually showing the terrible sibling relationship between Orly and Quentin instead of just referencing it. I had to outsource my “terrible older sibling” concept because… I was a great older sibling and all my younger siblings say so, so I was at a loss thinking of ways Orly could torment Quentin, but my acquired little sister gave me some ideas from how her actual older sister fucked with her as a child. So I have methods now. Like, casual cruelty I wouldn’t have come up with on my own. And it’s interesting writing Paul and Tyler Jordan teasing each other without being mean about it contrasted to Orly and Quentin being mean without even consciously trying to be mean. And their mother wants them to make amends before Orly moves halfway across the country. So that’s going to be fun, I have about 1500 words of that already.

….anyways. My big dumb original project that I love so much and could talk about forever. It’s gonna be an actual novel’s worth of writing when I’m done with it. I have to go back and rewrite some things to make them fit-- a few of the older stories are in present tense, one of them is in second-person POV, and the backstory from 2007 needs some serious adjusting to make it fit in with the stuff I’ve written this year, but it’s not impossible, I just have to make the time to do it. When I’m not too busy writing new stuff. And I’m SO busy writing new stuff. I honestly have no idea how I’ve been this productive this consistently for this long, but I’m absolutely loving it and I hope it lasts all year because I could have 300,000 words by December if I maintain this pace. Seriously.

And to think, my next-largest project was 26,000 words and I was so blown away by how long that was. And I went back and looked at some of my writing from 2006-2007, and pretty much nothing was longer than 2500 words. Now I break 2500 words in a weekend. I’m so proud of myself for how far I’ve come and how much I’ve developed as a writer…. even if I am still just writing smut and fluff, I’m ENJOYING THE FUCK out of it. And that’s what matters.
speccygeekgrrl42: (I gotta see this. : Rainbow Dash)
Gosh, I really just keep forgetting to update this, but it's just more of the same, honestly.

Last month I saw St. Vincent in concert, and I DID get Death Cab tickets, so I have some concert or event every month from now until October. I just bought a ticket for Sufjan Stevens on April 15th, so I'm seeing him the day after I see the Mountain Goats (INDIE ROCK OVERDOSE).

For the Mountain Goats, Amber was going to pick me up on Monday night, drive us down to New Bedford, and we'd spend the night/part of the day in my parents' house and then go to the concert in Boston on Tuesday night and drive back to Albany. Well, Kristin has been having a really shitty time lately, so I decided to buy her a ticket and bring her along on this adventure. We've been repairing our friendship-- it's never going to be like it was back in the day again, I don't think, but it's getting better. And I do still care about her and how she's doing. So for a couple of days it's going to be me and Kristin and Amber having fun, and it'll be like 2005 all over again, except all grown up. I'm really excited about it.

Aside from that... I've pretty much just been writing. I'm up to about 80,000 words on my timeline now. I went... a little bit psychotic when I switched focus from Paul and Orly to Quentin and Tyler Jordan. Like crazy hyperactive writing all kinds of stories all over the timeline for them. I filled in right from the night they met all the way through something that happens at Paul and Orly's wedding (which is not on the timeline yet because I haven't decided what month it's going to be in, but it's going to be in late spring/early summer 2016) and... just, I'm having way too much fun with them. I started writing an AU version of the way they met set in soulmark'verse and I'm pretty sure it's over 12,000 handwritten words. I'm almost done with it, and then I have 54 pages to type up and see how long it actually is. 54 fucking pages. If I'm right about the word count estimate, this is the longest story about any of these characters, and it's not even canon. It's shamelessly romantic and the sex scene is 10 of those 54 pages (because first times and how I'm a total sucker for them) and I just had a ridiculous amount of fun going way over the top with it and taking these characters I love so much and doing something different but still true to their characters.

Last month I went to the inaugural meeting of Oxford Commas, the writing group at Pine Hills. And when I say inaugural meeting, I mean it was just me and Stef (the librarian who set it up), literally just writing in our own notebooks and passing them back and forth to each other after 20 minute writing sprints. But I started a story about Tyler Jordan snooping on Quentin's phone because of one of the prompts, and I'm bringing the finished version to the meeting tonight to show off what it became. And it is actually a necessary part of the timeline now, it explains something that didn't have an explanation but needed one, and it sets up for another story I haven't written yet but will be writing, so... yay for writing prompts! I need to finish the soulmark story today because I want it to be finished so I can do the prompts tonight in my notebook without leaving a bunch of blank pages. I hope there will be more people there than just me and Stef, but it was a lot of fun with just the two of us.

It's been getting warmer, finally, and I've been wearing sundresses whenever it's over 50 degrees. It was 65 on Thursday last week! So beautiful. I've been buying sundresses all winter long in preparation for the nicer weather, and I'm really glad I get to start wearing them now. (although, a couple of them are WICKED short. Definitely need leggings/tights under those ones.) But I look fantastic. My hair has gotten so long, because I haven't cut it since I graduated from Wells. It's majestic, lol.

We paused the Dewey project at work because of switching cataloging systems from Horizon to Sierra. I have pretty much been predicting it would be a disaster this whole time... and what do you know, it's a disaster. We can't do ANY ordering, I can't receive ANY books, the only thing that's going out like normal is CDs and DVDs. I have about 30 boxes piled by my desk that I just can't do anything with yet. We haven't made an order since the beginning of March. My whole department is in a shambles and Jendy is so stressed she's practically coming apart at the seams. I'm like... practically forcing her to take a break and do a mindfulness meditation so she doesn't have an actual breakdown. I bought like $15 worth of easter candy to refill the CMS candy jar, mostly because I like having chocolate on tap, lol.

Chris came to visit this weekend and while he was here he commented about how weird our relationship is. It really is weird, though. We cuddle a lot, he sleeps in my bed spooned up with me, but we're not sexual at all. Like, we rub noses together but I've never kissed him. It's completely innocent. I don't think I've ever had such a purely platonic relationship with a guy before. Maybe, like, with David back in high school when he was in love with the skater boy and I was dating Scott. But pretty much all my friendships with guys have had one of us wanting to get in the other one's pants at some point along the line. It's strange not having that be part of it, but it's so much better this way. I don't know how much of it is the birthday twin thing, but we just understand each other so easily almost all the time. And, well, he's under a ridiculous amount of stress, and things are going really well for me right now, so it just makes sense for me to take care of his emotional health when I can try to get him on my level when he's here. If I can get his mind off his problems for 36 hours, that's better than nothing.

Anyways, I haven't gotten laid since like... September? But I'm writing a lot of porn. Like, a LOT of porn. Kinky stuff, not so kinky stuff, first times, lazy handjobs on the couch, feeling each other up in the shower, all kinds of porn. I, uh, I was going over my older writing and I realized that I kind of have a thing for rimming fic that I hadn't consciously realized. I don't know why I like it so much but it comes up kind of a lot. And... well, canonically Tyler Jordan is keeping a sex list and actually checking things off the list, so I have a reason to write pretty much anything I can think of with him and Quentin because he's VERY adventurous and curious. And once I write Paul and Orly moving into their new home, I can write about them having sex in every room of their new home, lol. Gotta break it in, right? I mean, I'm also writing not porn, I'd say I'm writing equal numbers of porny and non porny stories, some of them are just cute. It's a LOT faster writing stories without smut. Like, I managed to finish a 1500 word story in one work day. A lot faster. But I enjoy writing the porn too much to stop. I do have to re-learn how to fade to black, lol.

I'm just so proud of this writing project. I've been writing it all out of order but my timeline is really tight. I'm ridiculously fond of my characters and I'm slowly adding more characters in (Wendy Graham is going to be more significant, I just brought in Rishi Kinley at the very beginning of the timeline so I can drop him in along the way as I fill it in, Theresa Graham is developing more of a personality, and Harold Graham actually gets a POV story at the VERY beginning of the timeline) and... this is definitely going to be novel length when I finish it. It's getting to the point where I'm wanting/needing to revise some of the backstory from 2007 to be more congruent with the way I have developed the characters since then, so some of the things on the timeline are going to drop off of it or get rewritten, at least. But that's going to affect my running word count, so I have to be careful about it or risk losing track of that. But right now I'm at 59,500 words not counting the 54 handwritten pages I have yet to type up, although since that's AU I don't know if I should count it toward the timeline. Whatever, I don't think anyone will care if I do. But the few people who are reading it say they really like it, so.... yay!

But... I should probably get back to pretending to work now. Even though I'm alone in the office at the moment. When I get out of work I'm going to hang out at Tierra Coffee and write until 6:15, and then Oxford Commas is at 6:30. And whenever I get home I have to chain more beads in preparation for the jewelry class I'm teaching on Wednesday that is sufficiently difficult that I am going to give the projects to the participants 60% complete. I have... like 160 beads to chain by Wednesday at 6pm. I can totally do that. It just means I won't have time to write tomorrow, probably. Or write MUCH, anyways.
speccygeekgrrl42: (Default)
Quick update on my life:

2015 is the year of the concert for me. I saw Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness (aka Something Corporate aka Jack's Mannequin) at the Upstate Concert Hall and he was just amazing, played stuff from all the incarnations of his bands, it was phenomenal. At one point he walked out through the crowd... Stef and Sarah and I were standing all the way in the back and he walked literally 18 inches in front of me. I got a little lightheaded, not gonna lie. But now I have tickets for the following shows: Mountain Goats in April, Welcome to Night Vale in May, Fall Out Boy in June, Dave Matthews Band in July, Film Night at Tanglewood in August. And I'm trying to acquire tickets to Death Cab for Cutie in September. If I can get the Death Cab tickets, I will see my three favorite bands the year I turn 30. That would be fucking amazing.

I did get the full time position in CMS, like everyone expected would happen. My health care benefits kick in on the 25th. I'm completely at a loss to understand how the benefits really work, and Marjorie is basically useless. I guess I'll learn by doing. CDPHP won't let me sign up at their website until the 25th, which is some bureaucratic bullshit, so I'm just waiting until then to be able to figure out what the fuck is going on with all this stuff. I have no idea at all how much my meds are going to cost me every month. I have no idea yet what my actual normal take-home will be from my paycheck. My student loans start being due again at the end of this month, and I really desperately need to call them and get put on an income-based repayment plan, but I couldn't just do it online because my tax information from 2014 has NOTHING to do with what I'm making now, and I was honest about it. So I have to do that this weekend.

At work we've been doing the Dewey Decimal re-conversion project, which is basically taking every single nonfiction book in the collection, relabeling it, and changing the record for it. We did North Albany in a day and a half, and that made us cocky. We started Pine Hills next, going from the smallest branch to the largest branch, and we've been working for two full days and we haven't even made it halfway through the adult collection. We haven't even begun touching the YA and juvenile collections yet. I think we're going to be there for three or four weeks more, which is WAY longer than anyone guessed, and we only have until March 13 (I think) before we have to stop doing EVERYTHING because we're converting cataloging programs, and then after we migrate to Sierra, we have to figure out how to do these things that took about 30 seconds in Horizon because we were all so used to them. I'm basically dreading the hell out of it, but I'm trying to stay positive. I think I might be working at the fastest pace with the conversions right now; I've been measuring the paper tape from the label maker at the end of the day and I've been coming out around 42 feet (or 8 of my own body lengths, since that's the most accurate measurement I have handy).

I'm kind of developing a reputation for helpfulness at work, I think. My coworker Chris actually asked me for emotional advice, she was like "you handle setbacks so well, how are you so good at coping with things?" and I just told her I have a decade and a half's worth of experience trying to manage my emotions so they don't manage me, and offered her some mindfulness techniques and basic silver-lining-finding advice. (She had to cancel a vacation she was looking forward to. But later that day she found out that she was getting to go after all.) And Jendy has been picking me up and taking me home from Pine Hills since we're starting work at 8am for the Dewey project, and she's been talking out some of the stress and worry about the migration and everything. I'm also slightly afraid I'm getting a reputation as a kiss-up, because I feel really bad about Jendy being left out of the camaraderie that the rest of us have going so I try to be more friendly to her. I'm not trying to be a suck-up, I just really appreciate how laid-back she is as a supervisor and I want her to know that I like working with her.

I've been writing like an absolute fiend. I decided to pick up a couple of old characters who had large families, and their brothers were also defined characters so I've been writing about them too, and I fleshed out and cast their entire families and their parents and siblings have been making appearances in the stories. So I went from Paul and Orly to Paul and Tyler Jordan and their dad and four sisters, and Orly and Quentin and their three sisters and brother and mother. I've been writing around so much that I actually went and assembled a timeline and put everything I have for them on the timeline, and it stretches from April 2012 through May 2015 with something in almost every month, usually multiple things. It's been a LOT of fun. Pretty much the only person reading it all is Chris, but he's enjoying it, and I'm really enjoying writing it, so I'm just going to keep writing as long as the inspiration will come. I have five stories in progress and five more ideas I want to hit so.... I'm just going to keep going until I can't any more. I have a wedding to plan! I've written over 30,000 words so far this year.

I've been on a crazy scene/emo/pop punk kick for a couple of months now that I think is helping my creativity, since it's hearkening back to the era these guys were created in... (and cause Pete Wentz and Brendon Urie are two of the PBs lol) and I'm just in such a great musical groove wrapping myself up in this music I loved so much and all the new stuff that came out since then. I really like the new FOB album a lot, too. But I hadn't even heard the most recent Panic! at the Disco album until like last week and I like a lot of it.

Chris keeps coming through Albany every couple weeks or so, and it's nice to have him here. This whole "platonic boyfriend" thing is working really nicely. I'm getting all my cuddle needs met, we do domestic stuff like chores and cooking, and there's no pressure at all for anything sexual, which is refreshing. I haven't gotten laid since I broke up with Ryan, and I really don't miss it. I'm channeling all my erotic energy into my fiction now, which is so much less complicated than having a sex life of my own. I barely even look at porn on Tumblr any more (except for reference when I'm trying to write something). I just don't even need it. It's not important. I don't feel frustrated or unfulfilled or lonely or anything. I feel productive. I feel self-sufficient. It's nice.

I did get the Sappho tattoo, but I'm too lazy to rustle up pictures to post right now. There's some slight blowout where the ink lines cross my stretch marks, which makes me sad, but it turned out pretty awesome aside from that. That's going to be my last new ink until summer, and Rachael is bankrolling that one for all the papers I've been writing for her.

I'm trying to balance creativity with social-ness with work, and I think I've been doing an okay job. I do kind of wish I could just spend all weekend writing, but I have lunch dates and roleplaying sessions and stuff I have to do with people. But I'm going to try and get a few hours in tomorrow before I have to meet Sadie for lunch and pass my old laptop into her care. (Oh yeah, I got a new laptop with my tax refund. I named him Harold.) But now I'm exhausted, so bed.
speccygeekgrrl42: (libraries are fun. : Sherlock)
Okay, wow, I didn't post at all in December, so here's a quick recap of my life:

After being demoted at work through no fault of my own, my boss was very eager to give me a lot of overtime to soften the blow. I took off from Albany on December 19th to go spend the holidays with my family, and while I was in MA I received notification that Ryan in my department had been given the job I was supposed to have, so now his full-time position was coming available. When I got home all my coworkers told me that my boss desperately wanted me to take his job. I was all on board with that. My interview to officially take his position is tomorrow; I was trained on all his duties last week.

While I was in MA I had a really great time. I hung out with my parents a lot, I made and decorated a lot of cookies with my mom, I bought a LOT of fleece to take home with me for blanket-making, Mom and I saw Into the Woods, I made brownies for my dad, I spent a LOT of time with the cats, and I spent the entire time I was there working on one original story that I was planning to finish in a few days and it actually took me two weeks to finish it. And I'm really proud of how my sappy Christmas fic turned out. 14,000 words. I don't know where they all came from, usually I tap out around 6000 but there was just too much to say about this weird little family. I was planning on writing a whole slew of Christmas fic, but this is the only one that got worked on.

My dad brought me home to Albany, I worked for three days, and then Chris kidnapped me to take me to Binghamton and visit Sam. I spent 5 hours of New Year's Day in the car, going from Albany to Binghamton to grab Sam to near Rochester, and right before I got out of the truck at our destination I turned to Chris and said "This better be the best place I have ever been." AND IT ACTUALLY WAS. We walked into a beautiful cabin full of poets, musicians, activists, and just generally awesome people. The first thing that happened after we arrived was a poetry reading (I wish I had known, I would have brought something), and then we wandered around making silent eye contact (which was WEIRD in a house where I knew no one, most of these people were familiar with each other already), split off into pairs to talk about our fears and hopes for 2015, wrote down something from 2014 we didn't want to keep and threw it into the fire, and then there was amazing food and great conversations and a roaring fire and two friendly dogs and it was just awesome. The house belongs to Barbara, and Chris knew her because he was a lodger in her home for a while, and she invited us to stay the night so we didn't have to drive back another 2.5 hours that night... so the three of us went in her outdoor hot tub (in the freezing wind... it was AMAZING sitting around feeling the temperature changes and just talking to two people I really like a lot), got a pizza, and managed to fit all three of us in a king sized bed comfortably. It was wonderful.

The next day we went back to Binghamton and Sam and I did First Friday with two of her friends, walking around looking at art galleries, and we went to Uncorked Creations, which is a wine and chocolate bar, and I had a delicious glass of moscato and four pieces of amazing chocolate (soft ginger covered in milk chocolate and apricot covered in dark chocolate were my favorites). The day after that, we went to the Rose Garden Tea Room, which is all Victorian and pretty and had delicious teas and foods. And the night before Chris and I had to leave, we watched Planes, Trains & Automobiles, which was hilarious.

So when I got back to Albany, I was going into full-time hours with all the overtime I was getting... so I've been training myself to wake up at 7:20 instead of my usual 9, since I actually need to be in the office at 9. No more late nights writing for me. On Monday I took myself out for Japanese for dinner while I had to wait to see Dr. Achar. Tuesday I pre-ordered the new Fall Out Boy album and I've had the four songs they gave me for instant download basically playing on loop since then, except I've also been listening to other FOB, I was on a massive FOB kick, and then Wednesday night Emily asked me "if you were going to get a FOB tattoo, what would you get?" and I came up with the idea of the Albany skyline with the line "I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light." Came up with the idea at 8:40pm on Wednesday. Decided I wanted the tattoo at 1:15pm Thursday, scheduled the appointment at 4:45pm for 5:30pm on Friday. This is the fastest I have ever moved on a tattoo, and usually I wait 6 months to be sure I want something, but I'm certain this was a good idea, because Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year has been my favorite FOB song for an entire decade now, and the Albany skyline is so unique and recognizable and it's the city where I really became an adult person who is in charge of her own life. So here is the result of that tattoo idea. I had someone point out that she hopes I'm never picked up on an arson charge. It's healing great, the lines are all thin and I've always healed quickly after getting tattoos.

Aside from that... I've sold seven blankets to [livejournal.com profile] citizenjess in the past month, including one commission and six(!!) that I had in my Etsy store-- she literally cleaned me out of blankets. I'm so delighted that she's found homes for all these cozies. I traded a blanket with my college friend Rosemary for an infinity scarf that's like, orange/red and looks AMAZING with my bright blue coat. And I made a throw blanket for myself that I adore-- blue-toned owls in the forest on one side, navy and grey argyle on the other side. Ideal. ♥ I haven't made jewelry in what feels like a really long time, except for my sister's Christmas present, so I really need to do that, and I have another story that got longer than I expected in progress-- it's at 5500 words now and I still have a couple thousand to go before I can end it, but I'm getting hung up on a handjob, lol. My inspiration has been waning since I came home, which is sad-- I always seem to write better when I'm in my parents' house.

So.... I have the interview for Ryan's position tomorrow, but everyone is telling me it's just a formality and I have this in the bag-- which I better, after the way they fucked me over with the LA position, passing me over now when I'm fully trained for the job would be a slap in the face with a cinderblock. I'm confident that I've got it. Which means that I will soon be moving into a position that is so routine and easy that I can watch TV all day while I do it. I can finally catch up on all these shows people have been telling me to watch! Awesome. As soon as I get a desk where no one is looking over my shoulder, I can do that. And then instead of touching all the new books, I will be touching all the new CDs and DVDs. But more people will be coming to talk to me because they want to take things before they make it into circulation. Ew, people. lol.

No, but seriously, I had a great end of December, and the beginning of January has been pretty great too. In six days I'm getting the Mirena IUD, in nine days there is a new FOB album, at the end of the month I'm being visited by Sadie and getting a new tattoo with her (she's getting the Hufflepuff crest, I'm FINALLY getting that line of Sappho), and it's just been/going to be a really fantastic start to 2015 and the year I turn 30.
speccygeekgrrl42: (*facepalm*)
Okay, so all that excitement about the Makerspace and my new Library Assistant position in my last post? I got called into the HR director's office the day before I was supposed to start in Reader's Services and told that my promotion was the result of a clerical error and I was being demoted immediately. When I started crying (because all my plans had just been destroyed) Marjorie was like "why don't you leave the building." I fucking hate Marjorie, she's a supercilious bitch who is apparently terrible at her job according to the multiple negative reports the union president has received about her, mine simply being the latest in a long string.

So, it was a result of Marjorie not actually LOOKING at the LA list, and apparently you HAVE to hire people with perfect scores before people with shitty scores, even if the people with the shitty scores are ideally suited to the position and already work in the organization, so... thanks, civil service rules, you can eat a dick. And because it's civil service rules I have absolutely zero recourse to get my promotion back, so I'm back to my old pay grade... but also back to my old position, which is a job I enjoy doing surrounded by coworkers I don't mind spending all day long around, and we're about to reorganize the office so I can finally get my back to a wall instead of having Jendy be able to see my computer screen while I stare at a support pillar all day. And once I get a better desk space, I can put up things on the wall. And now that I know I'm keeping my desk, I can get more desk ornaments. And maybe a lamp, since it's usually dark in CMS because the overhead lights give people headaches.

So I'm counting my blessings. Still have a job, not actually getting poorer (just not getting as much more financially stable as I thought I would be), my job in CMS is super flexible with hours which lets me do things like take entire weeks off for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and show up ten minutes late with Starbucks and no one gives a fuck as long as I process boxes in a timely fashion. Which I do, because I'm good at my job.

And I still have great friends, and I still have good physical health, and I still have a family that loves me, and I still have my hobbies, and I still have my cozy bedroom in my affordable apartment with my wonderful roommate. I still have a lot going for me. And my demotion was not the result of anything I did wrong. It doesn't reflect on me at all. It's just Marjorie's fuck-up that I'm paying the price for. So maybe one day I'll find out which car is hers and do something awful to it.

I'm just disappointed that all my financial plans have now been ruined. I was going to buy Christmas cards on Etsy for people. I was going to finally be able to afford the "maybe sprout wings" tattoo. I was going to be able to get people Christmas presents that weren't handmade jewelry. I was going to be able to pay off Time Warner instead of constantly being a month behind.

I just wish people would buy things from my Etsy store. I have all these blankets and no one wants them. I'm not surprised that no one wants my jewelry, but the blankets should all be gone by now, it's winter, fleece is cozy, they're cute... why are they still here? I keep promoting my Etsy on FB and getting absolutely no response. it's disheartening. I just went through and slashed prices on everything... I hope that has some effect.

Anyways, I've understandably been completely at a loss of motivation to do anything once I got that news, and mostly I've just been going to bed really early, but it's the weekend and I need to get my ass in gear, so I'm going to catch up on my shows now and either write or make jewelry or something creative before noon. I should bake this afternoon. I'm going to clean my room this afternoon too. I have shit that needs to get done and I'm going to feel useless if I don't do it, so I'm going to do it.
speccygeekgrrl42: (*lol.* : Rarity)
Things have been going REMARKABLY well for me lately. Hitting some points from my last entry:
- did go back to being single and strictly platonic, which has worked out great because now I'm getting platonic cuddles on the regular whenever Chris comes through Albany (which turns out to be something like every three weeks)
- did get offered a part time library assistant position, which I have accepted. I started getting paid at LA rates at the beginning of this month, but I don't start my LA duties in Adult Services until Thursday of next week, and Jendy wants me to continue doing my full part time hours in CMS until my position gets filled, so I'm going to be pulling 35 hour weeks for the foreseeable future at a much higher hourly rate. I'm 100% on board with that, the more overtime I can pull, the better.
- gave up on NaNo about a week ago because I'm having a wicked case of writer's block and I was accomplishing absolutely nothing. Sad about it but not broken up about it.
- did not get the Paragard, but I'm now on a progestin-only birth control pill to see how I react to the hormones in the Mirena, and if I'm doing okay in a couple of months I will go get the Mirena instead. I had to wait for my period to start to start the pills, which means I've been taking them for less than a week now, but so far so good.

So yesterday was Staff Development Day, and I got to see the Makerspace for the first time, which is a room in the library devoted to creating things. Right now there is a 3D printer and a sewing machine in there, but more things will be added before it opens to the public early next year. It's going to be staffed by library assistants, and Chris and Sarah outright told me that part of the reason I was promoted was so I could staff the Makerspace because of my creative talents. Another part of the reason was that clerks cannot do programming, but assistants can, so this is a way I can continue teaching my jewelry classes. I'm beyond thrilled to have my talents acknowledged like this. Another thing that was brought up yesterday was that one of the branches has informative recordings for people who get put on hold, and the guy who does those has a background in radio... so after that roundtable session I went up to Chris like "I did radio, I have been told that I am very good at reading things aloud, I would LOVE to record hold messages if this is a thing we're going to be adopting," and he seemed very receptive to that. So I might be getting to use even more of my weird creative talents at work! And Sarah said that the sewing machine came with free sewing classes at JoAnn's, and I might be the person who gets to take those classes. VERY excited about that possibility. So now I have a date to learn fiber crafts by... I'd like to have the basics of knitting and crocheting down before the Makerspace opens so I can advise fibercrafters that might use the space. I do have a few long bus rides in my future at Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I'm going to see how much I can teach myself from a book/youtube videos by early next year.

I also had my performance evaluation in CMS today and Jendy gave me "exceeds expectations" in almost every category and was EXTREMELY nice and complimentary in the narrative portion. I am going to miss CMS when I'm down on the first floor for good. It really was a pretty much perfect job for me. She said that I was quick and accurate and almost never had a backlog and that my willingness to take on duties not in the job description was incredibly helpful. Yay, recognition!

I figured out how to make cat toys from blanket scraps, and I have kept the scraps from every blanket I've made since moving into this apartment, so I made 18 cat toys in two days. I bought catnip mist to spray them so they'll be super appealing, and I'm probably going to give most of them away as Christmas presents, but I've already had one person buy one! Amber says Angus is all about this toy, so it's feline tested, feline approved. [livejournal.com profile] weslyn is the first person to get a catnip-sprayed toy, I'm hoping to hear whether her cats liked it when Chris comes back through on Sunday.

I'm going home for Thanksgiving and I'm taking the bus. I hate the bus, but the train is ALWAYS late, and I'm not taking the train back because it's inflated holiday pricing and the bus was a lot cheaper. So even though I hate taking buses over long distances, that will be my fate. I'm going east on Monday afternoon and coming back to Albany the Monday after, and I really hope the bus is on time because I have a jewelry class to teach at 6pm on that day. And my plan for Christmas is to leave on the 20th and come back on the 28th. Xena probably isn't going to survive until spring, and I would like to spend some time with the stinky old mutt before she's not around any more. And a steady block of downtime should give me a chance to write, catch up on reading, teach myself how to knit/crochet, spend time with the family, and eat better than I'm eating in Albany. I'm going to help cook Thanksgiving dinner because my mom has to work until 4. So as long as I can keep to my resolution to not talk about politics, it should be good.

A LOT of people have been coming to me for advice or to vent because they're feeling clinically depressed. Like, a LOT. Rachael got dumped by her boyfriend and she's completely despondent, so she's going to come visit me this weekend (I think) because she wants to run away and I told her she should come here if she needs to get out of New Bedford. It just amuses me because I made a character sheet for myself for the Dresden Files RPG system, and I gave myself custom stunts, and one of the stunts was "Half-Trained" which gives a bonus to Empathy when being used as a shoulder to cry on. And one of my Aspects is "Armchair Psychologist." MY CHARACTER SHEET IS ACCURATE. Like rly. I'm very proud of how it turned out.

I had a photoshoot with Brian that went really well. All my photoshoots with Brian go really well, honestly. I enjoy working with him quite a lot. Part of that is my vanity and the fact that he makes me look so good in the photos, but a bigger part of it is that I have known him basically forever and I really like facilitating other people's creativity so modeling for him is basically just hanging out and posing a bunch and joking around. It's always a great time. I know he's more than ready to be done with Sage, but I'm kinda gonna miss that photo studio!

My African violet is blooming riotously right now. I'm pleased that I've kept it, not just alive, but thriving enough to bloom. (Let's ignore the fact that I started with two of them and I only have one now.) I don't have my mom's green thumb, but at least i haven't killed all the plants she's sent me home with.

So I thought I was going to get depressed after Daylight Saving Time ended and it started getting colder, but I'm actually doing really well right now (knock on wood). I'm feeling really affirmed and respected at work, I'm not at the level of creative output I would like to be, but I'm not totally failing at making stuff, and my mood is positive. This has been a pretty good year for me, and I have high hopes for the rest of the year.
speccygeekgrrl42: (lingerie + guns = Lana)
So... yeah... almost two months since my last update.

Still planning on doing NaNo, although god only knows what's going to come out of it because I haven't actually done any prep work yet... at least I've been mostly succeeding at writing every day, and the Agents of SHIELD fic I've posted has gotten really good reactions on AO3 (Everybody loves FitzSimmons!) so I might just keep writing soulmark fanfiction because it's the BEST TROPE EVER and I love it (and I have stories started in five fandoms for it, oops).

Mike messaged me a couple nights ago like "Me and Meghann are separating" and not much later in the conversation he was like "so when can I take you out to dinner?" Uh, put the brakes on, buddy. I've been thinking lately about that whole getting-my-needs-met-platonically thing I was doing earlier this year and how happy I was with how that went, and I received a tarot reading yesterday which pretty much totally confirms that going back to doing that would be a good idea for me. So that's what I think I'm going to do. But anyways he wants to be NaNo buddies and work on "incentives" together and I'm like, ehh, rather not.

Gosh, what's happened lately. I went to Binghamton with Chris to visit Sam, and that was a really great time. We found a radio station that didn't play a single bad song all weekend, and we made cookies and chicken pot pies and carved a pumpkin and did half of a 5K and it was a lot of fun. I went to Maine for my grandfather's 70th birthday party, that was nice, and then I spent some time with my family (mostly hanging out with Mom going on walks and watching TV). I just got home today from a weekend in Plattsburgh where everyone was quite surprised to see me at George's birthday party and I got pretty drunk (George made me do a Jaeger shot with him, some whiskey before the party, and then Angry Orchards for the rest of the night). I got my ass handed to me in beer pong and flip cup... I'm AWFUL at drinking games because I only play them in Plattsburgh and the last time I was up there was New Year's 2012. So it's been a while. But it was nice seeing old friends and making new friends and playing a lot of Cards Against Humanity and getting really stoned. Definitely a great weekend.

Before I left last week, I interviewed for a Library Assistant position. There was a full time slot I was going for, but during the interview they told me there were also three part time slots, so I'm being considered for any of the positions. They interviewed 7 people for 4 positions. I really hope I get one, even if it does mean leaving my cozy desk and going back to dealing with the public. I just have to make absolutely sure that I will still be covered by Medicaid if I take the part time LA spot, because I left my meds in Albany and getting 4 pills of Geodon to get me through the weekend cost $46. There is NOOOOOOO way in hell I can afford my medication without insurance. So even if they offer me the job, I have to check what that would do to my income level as far as staying under the cutoff.

I've been buying and selling clothes on Vinted, which is a lot better/cheaper/more open to the stuff I actually have to sell than Twice. I just got a beautiful blue kimono that won't snap closed over my boobs and I'm SO UPSET about it. I'm going to see if I can bind them down, if that would work to let me wear it. It's really way too pretty to give up on. I had a green Asian-style dress that I wore to George's party, and Michelle curled my hair for me.. I was supposed to be Raina from Agents of SHIELD, most people didn't get it, but I looked damn good. Wish I'd gotten more pictures than just one selfie.

I've been writing more Drift Mechanics stories, because I love Avery and Severin and I want them to be happy. So I'm writing their wedding. And some of the honeymoon. And trying to finish a story I started last year about their first Christmas together which got suddenly and unexpectedly kinky. (I'm okay with that.) And I wrote a soulmark story for them. I just like them a lot okay? They're all mine. I came to the realization last week that Drift Mechanics is actually a really weak story with huge plot holes but I don't care because it was my best NaNo attempt to date and I love my characters. But now people are enthusiastic about my Agents of SHIELD fic so I have more of those to write. 750words.com has been a huge help with actually finishing things in a timely fashion.

I'm scheduled to get a Paragard next week and I kind of want to call and switch to the Mirena, because the Mirena will stop your period and the ParaGard actually makes it worse. But the Mirena has hormones, and I don't want to mess with my hormones and totally fuck up my mental health. But I don't want longer more crampy periods. Ugh. I'll get used to it, I guess. Not that it's hugely important to have an IUD when I'm going on another voluntary celibacy streak, but I'll be glad to have it whenever I decide I'm done with that. Probably not at least through November... Too busy writing. No time for dudes. Maybe time for lady dates, but I haven't seen Ginni in way too long, she's been completely booked solid between school and work. When her semester is over, we'll have an awesome marathon. But she's way too busy for lady dates right now.

I should be doing something. Putting clothes on Vinted or getting ready to go to the laundromat or writing a story instead of an LJ post. Just doing something more than this. So I'm going to go find a thing to do.
speccygeekgrrl42: (dragon queen : Danerys & Drogon)
So it's been a month since the last time I updated this thing... yeah. Most of my life has been going to work, coming home, reading fanfic. For the last couple of weeks I've been working a lot on the Dresden Files roleplaying game, since we hit a milestone and got to upgrade our characters, we haven't had a proper session since the "season finale" so all of Genny's feels had to come out somehow so I wrote a bunch, we have two new players joining us and I don't know how that's going to work unless we get some time to catch up the characters who already exist with each other since the party got split... Genny needed new focus items, so I actually made real bracelets built on magical principles for her, and then since I'd done earth and water I decided to do the rest of the elements, and the bracelets taken as a set are probably the nicest artwork I've ever made. So this game has been super inspiring and also taking up most of my headspace lately.

Except for the part of my headspace that's being taken up by Shadowhunters. I finished reading the Mortal Instruments series and immediately started the Infernal Devices series. Despite the fact that I didn't really want to like them, I like them a lot. I probably shouldn't be considering getting a Mark tattoo, but it's kind of on my mind. And then we have the whole parabatai thing, which is just a warrior take on soulmates if you ask me, and you already know how I feel about soulmate tropes in sci-fi and fantasy (hint: 26k Pacific Rim fic completely based on how much I love the concept of drifting) so I'm just a total sucker for that and started writing more original character fic that no one is going to give a fuck about but it pleases me to write it. And I made an excellent fanmix to go with my dumb in progress story. Two things that will always get me: soulmates and forbidden love. Combine the two and I stand no chance whatsoever.

On that topic, I think I'm going to attempt NaNo this year, and I'm going to attempt it with a collection of short stories about different kinds of soulmates in sc i-fi and fantasy. So far I have drifters (Pacific Rim), parabatai (Mortal Instruments), t'hy'la (Star Trek), oathbonded (Mercedes Lackey), I might do some generic trope types rather than all specific fandom types, I might do just plain meeting-of-souls stuff like the soulgaze from Dresden Files... I have a couple of months to plan it. And a couple of months to get myself up to writing 1666 words a day. I've been doing 750 a day with reasonable success, but this is more than twice that, if I want to aim for 50K in a month. I don't know if that's actually doable, but I can make the attempt, at least.

Work is work, I'm almost done with the ridiculous amount of weeding we had to do of the nonfiction section so all this lovely overtime is going away until we start weeding and moving the children's room, which I think is happening this month. Also this month I think the IT department is getting their office back and we get to reclaim all our space in CMS... and when that happens, I'll actually get a phone on my desk. I had one at first, and then it got taken away when IT moved in, but when they go I should get it back.

Oh yeah, during August I went to Sterling RenFaire with Emily and her boyfriend Riley and we met up with my RP buddy Noah there, and that was fun. But while I was there I bought a pair of hair sticks, and now I'm fucking addicted to the things. I bought 50 blank ones to make my own, and I've been making some for me and some to sell. I've already sold two pairs on commission, but I'm barely making any sales at all from my Etsy store.

A bit more at ease in my relationship. At least I'm not drawing unhelpful comparisons any more. cut to spare the sister of the guy in question from having to deal with his sex life )

I don't know, I'm just pretty sure I like the idea of sex more than I actually like sex. Writing about it? Sure, I'll write about it all day long. Read about it? Bring me all the explicit fanfic. Watching it? Nope, bored, porn is boring. Doing it? I'd really rather do without it except for infrequently and with someone skilled. Like seriously I could probably have sex once every other month and be okay with that. Once every six months wasn't enough, once a week is way too much. Yeah, I'm like 99% sure I just like the idea of it and not the reality of it.

So that's... not good...

It's like 90 degrees out and it's supposed to be this stupidly hot all week and I'm just really not about leaving my house at all in this weather. I don't really want to do anything except lay in bed and read, really. I get heatsick way too easily. I wish summer would just die already. I'd like a nice long autumn. Please. Please please please. But I think I'm going to go lay in bed and read now, since that's something I can actually do this afternoon.
speccygeekgrrl42: (locked away. : Sherlock/Moriarty)
So I'm in New Bedford with my family, and have been since Thursday night. And it would have been a perfectly nice visit, if Julia hadn't gone abruptly and dangerously manic. At first she was just skipping sleep and "cleaning" everything, but by Saturday night she had screamed my mother down when Mom tried to keep her from driving to the Portuguese Feast with the express intention of "getting wasted", peeled out of the driveway and dinged Rachael's car on the way out, and she never even made it to the feast because she flipped the goddamn truck and broke it in half. She's so lucky she isn't dead, the way that cement pole went through the cab of the truck must have missed her head by inches. She wasn't injured, but the cops took her to the hospital and they're holding her for 72 hours because she's clearly a danger to herself if she's pulling shit like that.

But aside from that... I spent all day Friday reading the first in a trilogy of books about Sherlock Holmes's magic-using niece, which was actually quite good and I'm going to start the second one when I finish making this post. I should have gone to the beach, but I just read on the front lawn facing the ocean, watching all the sailboats further toward the horizon, a lot of colorful ones far off and then a lot of white ones closer to me. On Saturday Mom and I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy (which was awesome!) and then we hit up the clearance rack at Kohl's and I got a dress and a bunch of shirts and some earrings, and a pillow that wasn't on sale, and two pairs of shoes so I have things nice enough to wear to work that aren't falling apart now, huzzah! But when we got home we were faced with manic and yelling Julia. We watched Tootsie and Back to the Future on TV (Dustin Hoffman, how so adorable, ugh you cutie) and then Mom got a call from the cops that Julia had been in an accident (caused an accident, more like) and she went to the hospital to be there when Julia arrived. Julia refused to see her, so that was kind of pointless.

I worry about my sister, you know. A lot. She doesn't see that her behavior is abnormal and irrational when she gets manic. She doesn't keep a mood chart or anything like that, she lies about whether she's taking her meds or not, she's just not doing the basic mental health upkeep that people with bipolar disorder really need to do to keep a handle on their moods and that's why she ends up in the hospital two or three times a year. Mom told me that she doesn't want to keep having to deal with this every few months for the rest of her life, and I wish she didn't have to, but until Julia starts taking responsibility and not just riding the manic high like a carnival ride when it hits her, she's going to keep this vicious cycle going, and the rest of the family is going to have to put up with it.

I'm just really glad I didn't move back in with my parents after college. Rachael's like "you don't know what it's like, you haven't been here for three years" and I'm like "yeah, thank god for that" because being around Julia would have driven me crazy a long time ago. I don't mind being around my parents (as long as they don't try to talk to me about politics or put Fox News on while I'm in the living room), I get along great with my mother, Rachael is okay most of the time, but Julia... it's like rolling dice to be around her. Seven, she's coherent, great, enjoy talking to her. Snake eyes, well, just try to stay out of her way until she gets corralled into the psych ward again.

So today is my last full day in New Bedford, and tomorrow I have to go to the train station around noon. I think Julia was supposed to drive me to Worcester, so I don't know exactly how I'm getting there now. Probably Rachael will bring me. Tonight we're going to go to the Portuguese Feast (we were supposed to go last night, but it rained all day, and then Julia wrecked the truck) and have delicious Portuguese food and Madeira wine. My dad is going to come even though he threw his back out last week, so that's good. So I guess I should go get dressed for that now.
speccygeekgrrl42: (I'm not his date : Sherlock and John)
Lessons I have learned from various relationships:

Dan: Don't make plans for the future that rely on other people. Also, it's good to be trusted, and pay attention to context clues.

Tai: Don't prioritize someone if they don't prioritize you. Also, it's easy to remember the good things about someone if you want to date them again, but the things that made you break up in the first place still exist, because people tend to not change.

Scott: It's nice to just nerd out with someone you love. The value of a love letter and a mix CD. Also, a relationship that goes long distance is much, much harder to maintain.

Abram: It's okay to still like things even if the person who introduced you to them turned out to be pond scum.

Derek: Relationships take work, and if you're working toward different ends, it's not going to go well.

Kait: It's really really awesome to be super into something with someone. Also, I do shitty things when I'm in a major depressive episode, and it's never okay to just stop talking to someone, even if I stop talking to everyone else at the same times.

Patrick: I should really stick to people within 5 years of my age.

Shane: Polyamory is a thing that is kind of cool. Also, I can love people when they change, but I can't love people who hate themselves.

Phillip: My "type" had nothing to do with the person I fell for the hardest. I think it's sexy when I can be outsmarted. It's okay to not like all the same things; that makes the things we both like more meaningful. Love is not transactional. It's one thing to be willing to wait; it's another thing to be left waiting and never have an end to it. My fantasies and reality are never going to line up, but sometimes reality is even better. (Sometimes it isn't.) Also, even though I thought I couldn't love anyone for longer than a year, I'm pretty sure I will always love him.

Mike: Never borrow library books for someone when they've ruined their own library card, because they won't think twice about ruining yours too. I will never be content playing second fiddle to a primary partner. Also, kink is cool, but even kinky sex can get boring.

Lessons taught by all but one of these relationships: My romantic attention span is brief and fickle. I will get bored with a person. The only question is how long it will take to get bored of them. Also, I am really good at making myself miserable by sticking with something to spare another person's feelings, and I should really take care of myself first.

Lessons I learned from the getting-my-needs-met-platonically thing: I do okay when I'm single, as long as I have friends. I'm under a lot less stress when I'm not pretending to be happy for someone else's sake.


I'm just trying to figure out what to do now. Because I know I'm not in this relationship for the right reasons, and I don't know if I will come around to the right reasons, or if I'll just feel mercenary and like a horrible person all along. It's not okay to enjoy the perks of being in a relationship without having a romantic or sexual attraction to the person you're in a relationship with. And I don't know how to make that attraction come into being. I feel like I'm playing a role.

I don't know if this is another case of me sabotaging a good thing, or another case of me keeping my mouth shut on unhappiness when I should speak up.
speccygeekgrrl42: (I'll just go this way. : Dresden Files)
My life is pretty boring, okay? I have so little to post about.

Pretty much the most exciting thing going on is the story arc climax we're going through with my Dresden Files RPG group. A couple of weeks ago Genny found out that Shea-- who she's been getting close with, who she's been doing magic with, who she's invited into her home-- has been possessed by exactly the kind of demon she hunts, and has been since long before she met him, and she just had no idea whatsoever. And then she found out that the Devoid in him is the same one responsible for the death of her father, which she had thought had been a magical accident. So she's absolutely incandescent with fury and wants to kill this thing deader than dead, but first she has to get it out of Shea before it eats too much of his soul for him to ever recover from it. So where we ended last session, Shea and Genny and John are in a circle, Shea was stuck in his head arguing with the Devoid until he and John accidentally soulgazed, Shea just drank the potion Genny made that will put the Devoid in a sort of paralysis. So when we pick it up next session, Genny has to get his permission to exorcise him, and she's going to have to ask him to trust her with his True Name and a soulgaze to make the exorcism a little easier, and then she and Marcus have to actually, you know, get the Devoid out and kill it. So that's going to be emotional and intense and hopefully go a bit better than I expect.

I've been writing backstory for Genny like a fiend to earn free re-rolls so I won't botch this Super Important Thing. But that's pretty much all I've finished writing this month. I haven't posted anything new at AO3 in all of July because all my writing focus has been going toward roleplaying characters. Also my new character for Phillip's WWII Spirit of the Century game (with kaijuu that he refuses to call kaijuu), but Cyril Skybourne has been getting a lot less attention than Genny.

Saturday was the Summerfest SRP party at the library. I ended up helping sign kids up for the summer reading program. We signed up about 130 kids in two hours. It was a madhouse. After that Ryan picked me up and we went back to his place and I was introduced to Wilfred (which was way too disturbing for me to continue watching) and Bob's Burgers (which I didn't think was that funny in the three episodes I watched). And then I slept for like twelve hours.

My birthday is this weekend. I don't even know if I'm going to do anything for it. I wanted to have a Cornetto Trilogy marathon, but only one person expressed any interest in that. I really don't feel like baking my own cake if no one is even going to be here to eat it. 29 isn't a big deal, maybe I should just let it pass. I thought my roleplaying group was going to get together in Syracuse next weekend for a combined birthday thing for me and Tyler and Chris (who were all born on the 19th), but that isn't happening either. I'm more disappointed about that than I can even say, but I should have expected something to go wrong when I thought I had the next month's worth of weekends planned out.

Putting in effort just seems like more trouble than it's worth. I'm so drained-feeling all the time these days. By the time I get home from work, I don't even feel like doing anything. Hell, by the time I get TO work I don't feel like doing anything. I'm just so tired. It feels like I'm not getting anywhere. I just... need something to make me feel like it's worth trying to accomplish things any more.
speccygeekgrrl42: (someone is wrong on the internet: S&J)
I promised Eric I would make an LJ post, so here it is.

I did successfully make 100 works at AO3 by the end of June. None of the new ones was a podfic because the microphone in this laptop sucks hardcore and I would have been embarrassed to post something that poor quality. But I scraped up a couple of things that were almost done and wrote the last one on the 29th and I achieved my goal. I also wrote 750 words or more every day in June. I'm very proud of myself for managing both those things.

Work is still going okay. I think I've hit upon the right balance of actual work and screwing around on Facebook so that I actually finish up within 15 or 20 minutes of being able to leave instead of an hour or two before then. I spent 45 minutes reading an Iron Man comic this morning and I still got everything done by 4:45.

I spent pretty much all day on Facebook arguing with conservative men trying to mansplain birth control and the recent Supreme Court ruling to me. One of them was my father. That was fun. He said I was "damaged" from my time at Wells. I'm proud of myself for managing not to swear in my entire conversation with him, and he quit commenting after I pointed out that he was actually completely wrong about something and provided a link and a quote for proof, so maybe I won? I feel like I won, anyways. I think I've filled my "political arguments on facebook" quota for the entire month and it's only July 3rd.

The thing with Ryan is now Facebook official, but I'm still kind of feeling my way through it. It's just, we've known each other for a few years but we don't know each other very well? We're comfortable around each other but I'm not crazy about him or anything. It's really bizarre for me to start something like this without strong feelings, but it's more like... it seemed like a good idea so why not give it a shot? And hope something will develop out of it. Part of me is already chafing at the idea of being in a relationship. I was doing great emotionally just getting everything I needed platonically. It was really freeing not having to consider anyone else and just focusing on taking care of myself. And I didn't realize exactly how unenthusiastic I would be about going from very skilled lovers to a complete sexual newbie. I remember being excited to teach someone about sex.... but that was a guy I'd been head over heels with for actual entire years, who turned out to be a natural at it. That really made a huge difference in how I felt about it.

I don't know, I'm trying not to pull comparisons, but this is... lukewarm. It will heat up, probably, but at the moment I'm not passionate about it and I don't know how to go about building passion because... the last time I started something without already feeling passionate about it, it ended poorly. For many reasons. (for that matter, the things I started and felt passionate about also ended poorly. Pretty much everything ends poorly.)

But there's still that part of me that is afraid that Phillip is the only person I won't get bored of in a matter of months. He was the exception to all my rules, and I thought maybe he had fixed whatever in me got bored so easily, but he didn't fix me. It was just him. And the way I used to be, the way I guess I still am if Mike was any indication, isn't conductive toward long-term relationships. I'm not built for happiness. I'm pretty much hard-coded to fuck things up. It's just a question of how long it'll take and how badly I'll handle it.

But who knows, maybe I'll be surprised. Maybe I'll figure out how to build something from scratch. Maybe I'm just this pessimistic because I barely got any sleep last night and I've been fighting with people on Facebook all day. Maybe that tarot reading that said I'm heading straight into disaster was wrong.

Or maybe I'm at the start of that massive downswing I've been expecting to trip me up for years now. Maybe I'm still just the same fuck-up I was earlier this year, only I've been so happy lately I forgot what I really am at my core. Maybe the Tower is coming down.

Maybe I just need to shut up and go to bed and I won't be such a fucking drama queen after a decent night's sleep.
speccygeekgrrl42: (a deal worth making : Ray)
And I have completed a bingo! WOOP. I'm aiming to check off a couple more boxes with the remaining chapters of my Archer fic, and I'm planning on having chapter two done by tonight, even if I didn't actually manage to fit a kink in... I guess I could just call it my free square and mark it as verbal humiliation? since that is apparently how Malory Archer gets her kicks. Or mark my free square "drugs/aphrodisiacs" since that's basically the excuse for a plot (yaaaaaaay sex pollen equivalent). And then I'm most of the way to bingo number two.

Also, I just posted my 97th work to AO3, so I'm pretty confident I can finish three more things in six days, and then I have to do something nice for myself to celebrate reaching my goal! I'd really like one of those remaining three to be a podfic of one of my recent Person of Interest stories, but I am devoting today to writing, so... maybe tomorrow after I get home from work and before Claudia gets home, since I still feel weird about recording when anyone else can possibly hear me. And I haven't recorded anything in a rather long time. So a bit nervous and not wanting to fuck it up. Do I even have Audacity on this computer yet? I should do that.

But yeah I made a new friend because of Archer fic, and she's helping me make it more Archer-y since I'm really not adequate at making Malory even a fraction as nasty and vitriolic as she is and new friend is very very good at that. Yay, new friends in tiny fandoms! Double yay when new friend is one of the most prolific authors in the tiny fandom!

I had a date with Ryan on Sunday. We saw Maleficent and got dinner at Cheesecake Factory. It went really well. Like surprisingly well. A little awkward, but not nearly as bad as either of us were anticipating. So that's probably going to be a thing now. We have plans to hang out next weekend.

Claudia told me yesterday that our ex-coworker Chris (who has apparently been retained by the library on a discretionary basis or something?) has two rooms in his living situation coming available in the near future and was wondering if we'd want to move in, since his apartment is actually in Albany and not on the wrong side of the river, and he has things like a car and a washer and dryer. I really really like the room I have now, I love my bay window and how big the room is, but the convenience of not having to cross the river every day and of not having to use a laundromat any more are super, super tempting. And he said the rent is cheaper, but he didn't say how much it would be, so I told Claudia to ask him for more details and maybe we'll go take a look at it. I hate moving, I really really hate moving, but I would really really love saving money on rent and bus passes and splitting utilities and saving time on commuting. And I think I might actually be close enough to walk to work, although I'm not positive on that. So we'll see what comes of this, if anything.

I had a doctor's appointment today, and when I got there the nurse was like "oh do you want a pap smear? cause she does those." and I was like, uh, I don't really WANT a pap smear but I guess I need one. So that was unexpected but at least I got it done instead of continuing to put it off. And the doctor said "you should really stop smoking cannabis if you're bipolar" and I said "uh-huh, okay" and thought HA NO. Pretty sure weed's not going to push me over the line into schizophrenia. But thanks for the concern. The doctor was super pretty though. Like, okay, I guess you can touch my business, you pass the basic attractiveness test for access to my vagina. (oh god I make myself laugh way too hard.)

Anyways... I think I'm going to go make a pitcher of sangria, and then write for a few hours, and then I guess do prep for Dresden Files game tonight even though I would rather focus on writing while I'm actually in the zone, if I am, in fact, still in the zone... but I have some smut to finish and then other smut to start, so I'd better get to it.
speccygeekgrrl42: (holy shit you geeks are badass : Pam)
So uh, I started watching Archer a week ago and today I'm writing fanfic. I am not surprised that I am writing fanfic, but I am kind of surprised that I didn't let myself finish the series before I started writing it-- although season 5 is supposed to get pretty different, so this is set in season 4.

Anyways, sex pollen. Because there are so many kinds of drugs in Krieger's lab and he has exactly zero ethics to prevent him from using his coworkers as guinea pigs, so why not introduce an inhibition-lowerer into the HVAC system? Why not, indeed. I'm kind of glossing over the smut for the most part, but I could add chapters with the porny details and rack up a few more Kink Bingo squares with one story. Anyways, almost all of these sub-pairings have happened in the show already. I'm trying to make it funny... I'm not really very funny. It's making me laugh, but I make myself laugh a lot more than I make other people laugh. I'm having fun writing it, at least. It's silly and irredeemable and hopefully people will think it doesn't suck.

So I'm going to try to have the main part of the story done today and work on the smutty chapters later, because as soon as I finish it I'm breaking out the wine and watching all of season 5. BRING IT.


eta: sooooooo here it is if anyone is interested, I'm personally astounded that I wrote this entire thing today and I've been working on it for like seven hours so... tadaaaah
speccygeekgrrl42: (...uh.... : Calvin and Hobbes)
So David came back on Sunday night and due to biological complications another night of passion wasn't in the cards, so instead we smoked a bowl and he gave me a crash course in Middle Eastern politics, specifically the history of Israel and its neighboring countries from the end of WWII to last month. I really didn't have any knowledge at all beyond "bad things are happening and I think most of it has to do with the West Bank?" And now I know about Palestine and why, exactly, the West Bank and the Gaza Strip are so problematic (because HISTORY) and why Palestine is in such bad hands (because when it became a recognized entity there basically were no organizations to speak of aside from terrorist organizations and the PLO happened to be the most organized organization so they became the de facto representatives of the whole territory and that was just a really bad idea) and just, hey, I feel like I have a clue now! I can't really hold a competent conversation on the topic, but I am certainly a hell of a lot more informed today than I was two days ago. And I think I actually have a position on the whole Israel/Palestine thing that is, you know, not just a party line or something I got from the internet. I was always pretty sympathetic with the Palestinian people before I knew exactly how badly fucked over they have been for the past like four or five decades by pretty much everyone in that area. It's not their fault that their governance was handed over to terrorists, they're just still suffering the fallout of that massive lapse in judgment.

See, this is why I like sleeping with smart people. Because knowledge transfer happens and I almost always end up learning something really cool. Especially from history-oriented people. I learned a lot from Phillip and Shane, too.

So he went off on his merry way this morning and promised to text me next time he's heading through the Albany area. I forgot my coffee in his car and he came back to the library to bring it to me, that was sweet and unexpected.

I'm glad for the way the weekend went. The whole thing was unexpected, but really pleasant and interesting, and I like him a lot and it's cool that we're friends now and not just vague Faire acquaintances.


Awkwardly, though, while I was waiting for him to return yesterday I ended up talking to two people who cause exactly the kind of emotional entanglements I have been trying to divorce myself from for a few months now. One of those being the major cause of most of my emotional entanglements.... oh, Phillip, why do you complicate my life so much even now that we've given up on being together? And the other one being Ryan, whose day I ruined by accepting David's invitation to dinner, and I can't even imagine how much more ruined his week would be if he found out exactly what happened with David after that. But Ryan asked me out. And, you know, I do like him, and he's not actually aware of any of what I've been going through as far as relationship drama and how not having them has reduced the drama to zero and I like it at zero, so.... I don't know, we're going to get dinner and see a movie and I'm going to give him the general rundown of my suitability or lack of suitability to be a decent girlfriend or emotionally engaged or whatever the hell is going on in my head that I don't really know how to phrase. I don't know what he's looking for... I don't know what I'm looking for, if I'm looking for anything at all, which I was pretty content to not be lately. It just seemed kind of.... unexpected if you asked me before Saturday, given that I've barely spoken to him since like last summer until the beginning of this month, we don't really talk, I don't know what's going on in his head, so... talking. Is a thing that needs to happen. To figure out what the hell we're trying to accomplish here. Because nebulous undefined relationship feelings are not things I want to deal with. I don't want to lead him on, I don't want to break his heart, but I also don't want to get myself embroiled in another relationship that's just going to cause me stress and doubt and worry and all the rest of the stuff I've been so happy to not have since I decided to get all my needs met platonically.

And then I have to figure out what to tell Missy and Eric, although they've said all along that if I find someone else that's okay, and it's been nice getting to know them and be friends with them and hopefully we can still be friends if they're not aiming to get me into bed with them any more.

...I mean, I guess I could have much worse problems than too many people liking me, but... can I just skip ahead to the cat lady part of my life? I don't try to look good to attract potential mates. I look good because I like to look good because it makes me feel good about myself. Compliments are nice but they're not the goal. I'm back at the point where I don't really see myself getting married. It's kind of hard to even see myself carrying on a long term relationship. I just... I don't even know. Can't I just keep doing my own thing? I'm not lonely. I don't feel like I'm missing anything by dropping out of participation in the relationship rat race.

I don't even know what my emotions are doing right now. I don't feel happy any more the way I have been lately. Whatever was driving me seems to have dried up. I'm back to having to convince myself to do things. Maybe it's just that I haven't been sleeping well, maybe it's post-event comedown, maybe it's my cycle, maybe it's the fact that hey, I'm still bipolar and what goes up inevitably comes down, maybe it's all of them or something else entirely, but I'm finding it hard to do anything besides just sitting here staring into space. I should.... do something. Anything. Just something besides sitting here writing this.
speccygeekgrrl42: (a cage lined with books : Root)
Albany's first Renaissance Faire was a lot of fun! There was a good turnout of local folks, there were a lot of people there from Tuxedo, I got outrageously flirted with for most of the day... by someone I ended up taking home with me... and it was just a really good time. I got a little sunburned, I was too broke to buy anything but food, pretty much, and to tip the performers, I had a medieval French love song sang to me, the Vixens En Garde performed Coriolanus for an audience for the first time and it was SUPER GAY in the best way, it was just a thoroughly good time.

The night before Faire, Ryan and April and Brian introduced me to Archer, which is just really hilarious in a way I feel bad about laughing so hard at. We watched the entire first season in one sitting. My face hurt from laughing so hard. I'm downloading the rest of the show now. I think I like Pam best.

Since my last post about writing unpopular pairings, I realized that I've been getting a REALLY good reaction to the more popular pairing stuff I'm writing. I've been on a Root/Shaw kick and one of my stories has 33 kudos now. I'm pretty sure a POI fic is going to be my most-kudosed piece of writing, overtaking that one bizarrely popular little gen SPN ficlet I wrote ages ago. But yeah, Root/Shaw, ladyslash isn't something I've written in a while but I'm having a lot of fun with it, and I almost have a bingo done on my KB card-- I'm working on "bloodplay" now (with Root/Shaw of course) and the last one I have to get the line is "furry kink" which I have a Mighty Boosh idea for that's probably going to turn out more funny than sexy, but whatever, I still have the rest of the card to work on since I wasn't just going for a bingo. I think the next line I go for will be across the center, I have "temperature play," "negotiation," and a blank square. And if I keep going, I'll go diagonal and do "writing on the body," "tattoos" (although I'm thinking of cheating and calling the tattoo Boosh story I wrote before going to the card a fill), and "penance/punishment" which I think I could do some fun Root/Machine stuff with. And that'll be three bingos. Not bad. We'll see, though, I might just go scattershot on the rest of the card with the things I like best. I'm not totally sure what I want to do yet. I still have to post all these things on [livejournal.com profile] drive_thru_rx and then update my masterlists...

At work, the IT department has moved into CMS... we have 2/3 the space for two times the people. It's claustrophobic, especially because I'm in the center so I'm surrounded on all sides by people, but it's also not all that bad. Marcia is nice, Laurie and Bill are nice, I would like Marcia more if she didn't insist on carrying out her business on speakerphone although I understand why the IT director needs both hands free on a service call.... and they've been busy with major downtime at some of the branches so she's been making a lot of calls. It's okay, I have my headphones, I mostly just tune everyone else out for the majority of the day. Last week I had to put mylar covers on all the bookpack books, which was not time consuming but was tedious, involving a lot of awkward scissor work, but now I have completed ALL the crafting for ALL the hard-shell bookpacks. This week I get to attack the soft-pouch bookpacks, but those just need taping, not actual mylar covers, so it should be slightly easier even if there are significantly more books to do. (the hard-shell bookpacks are mostly YA novels with one book per pack, the soft-pouch bookpacks are mostly picture books/early readers with 3-6 books per pack.) But at least I'm keeping busy, and I think I have figured out how to pace myself a little better, so.... yeah, work is going okay. Our library director is leaving this week and her replacement officially starts on the 23rd. He seems to have a good reputation, and he was a librarian for APL for a long time, so hopefully he won't let Melanie keep doing dumb fucking things like taking violent patrons off permanent bans.

Anyways. I have things I need to do, so I'm going to do them instead of making this entry any longer. (I want to finish this bloodplay story so I can post it... I may be a little addicted to how much people like my Root/Shaw stuff.)
speccygeekgrrl42: (the city is ours to keep : Finch&Reese)
Will someone please explain to me why I insist on writing things I know no one is going to read? Like, original characters in fanfiction, pairings no one likes, tiny fandoms... why do I keep doing this to myself?

Of course, of COURSE the longest Person of Interest fic I finished is for like the least popular pairing on AO3. There's literally one other story on the archive for them and it's 150 words. Uhhhh. I don't think anyone's going to read it, and that makes me kind of sad because it took a while to write. I keep telling myself "it doesn't matter if other people like it as long as I had fun writing it" but it's falling kind of flat. Whatever, I'm just going to take my ironclad kink for obvious devotion and my unattractive villains and go play in my own sandbox. Don't mind me over here.

I'm trying to write through my 2013 Kink Bingo card that I didn't do anything with. So far nothing I have written is on the same line. I don't even know if I'm going for a bingo or just filling as many squares as I can. I guess I should post all this stuff to my fanfic journal, huh? I keep forgetting it exists. Oh well.

Life is life. My department in the library just underwent reorganization to accommodate the IT department moving in while their office gets renovated, but my desk is in the same spot, just turned 90 degrees, so I can still see the cutie in the business office all the time. (Shh. Eye candy is important.) I still need to learn how to not do things so quickly. I am getting paid by the hour, so I should make more of an attempt to not work myself out of any hours, you know? Monday I was working on Playaway kits, which is like an mp3 player audiobook and 1-6 books in a pouch. These are brand new so we're still figuring out what to do with them, and I keep having to slightly redo things I've already done... I think we have it figured out now, and I only have a couple left to do when I get there tomorrow. So I hope some boxes came today, and will come tomorrow, so I have something to do. On the bright side, this reorganization means my boss can't see my screen any more.... on the bad side, whatever IT person is sitting behind me will have a great view of it. I' m not sure how much of a problem this will be.

This weekend is the first Capital District Renaissance Faire. I only got a ticket for Saturday, because I am broke, like really broke, and I'm thinking I need to look into a part time job if I can figure out how much I can work without losing Medicaid. Something to look into, anyways. But I have to figure out if I can get myself into a corset without assistance, and what else I'm going to be wearing (prolly the blue dress with the navy side of the corset facing out, I need to remember my chainmaille flower for my hair...)

Chris came to visit last weekend on his way to MA. It's always nice having him here. We watched a bunch of movies and had tasty drinks and went grocery shopping, it was good.

I found a website that will let you download 8tracks playlists. omgcatz.com It's so good, I've stolen so much music. I don't know how I would make it through work without 8tracks. Just a constant flow of good music. I'm going to need to bring better headphones to work if there's going to be construction going on...

I dunno, I've been feeling a slight comedown of the happy I've been riding for a while now. No one can be happy all the time, I know, I just... need to keep going. Need to keep doing. Need to not do like I did this morning and lay in bed half-asleep and daydreaming for five hours (although, to be fair, I woke up at 5am, and 10 isn't an unreasonable time to get up), need to keep... keeping on, I guess. Keep trying. Try to try in ways that people besides just me are entertained by. I just want kudos, is that so much to ask? Sigh.
speccygeekgrrl42: (music is the beat. : DJ PON-3)
The concert last night was PHENOMENAL. More than once, Brian turned to me and said "They tailored this playlist just for you!" and it was so true. All my old favorites got played-- and I realized that, oh yeah, all my favorites are the smutty ones, gosh I wonder how that happened. The acoustic set was great, I really do love acoustic Dave a lot, and they did Satellite and I had a tidal wave of middle school feels. They ended the acoustics on Ants Marching, and I spent the between-set break scanning the completely clear sky for the first star of the evening. (It didn't come out until after they started the electric set, Brian saw it first.) It was a pretty much perfect night, just the right temperature for a hoodie, the whole wide sky slowly filling up with stars as darkness fell. I couldn't stop looking up. (On my way into the concert my bag was checked, and the guy who checked it mistook my moleskeine notebook as a tablet. I was like "uh, no, it's just paper." lol.)

The electric set was awesome, I got Crush and Say Goodbye and Crash Into Me and it ended on Jimi Thing so all the old songs I know and love, I was totally swept away on a music high (okay and a more common kind of high but it's a DMB concert, I'm pretty much contractually obligated to contribute to the clouds of smoke billowing from the crowd) and just, the jams, man, the jams went on forever and it was brilliant and bright and completely contraindicated for anyone with seizure potential and just, mm yes good. So good. I've been happy for a couple weeks now but I'm pretty sure I hit a peak during that concert, or maybe the moment of extreme happiness came sitting in McDonald's at 1am sipping a strawberry milkshake and stealing Brian's fries and just reveling in contentment and sweetness and companionship and all those good things that sweep me away in an irrepressible smile and the bone-deep feeling of total excellence.

I crashed on the couch (and I do mean crash, I was asleep pretty much as soon as I was vertical) and woke up to Bailey poking around my feet. Brian and April's new cat is ADORABLE. Very friendly, very wanting the petting, occasionally falls off the couch mid-petting from too much relaxation. She let me pet her belly without attacking me (because I am still a cat whisperer) and just, aww soft black kitty. They said they wanted the "most doglike cat" and they definitely got one. Brian made breakfast sammiches (which are always, always better than any restaurant breakfast sandwich) and there was more playing-with-cat time. And Ryan was like "You've lost weight... you look really good" and I got all awkward accepting a compliment. Which is silly because I know I look good and I like when people acknowledge it but it was still a little awkward cause we didn't say anything after that, just kinda stood there looking at each other... it's so much easier to take a compliment over the internet, haha.

I have a headache, which is not entirely unexpected after the night I had, I have to say. But it's still beautiful out, and it's just a really nice day, weekend, week, May was a really nice month, I hope June will be a really nice month too. I'm trying the 750words challenge for June since I botched May, hopefully I'll get some more decent fanfiction out of it. Hey, maybe I'll actually get some work done on that POI genderswap fic I was talking about and totally forgot to take notes for during my rewatch. That would be cool. Not that I expect it to go anywhere. Trying to come up with a case is too intimidating for me, and while fluff flies well in comedy fandoms, it's not such an easy sell in a fandom with such excellent authors who manage fluff AND case AND drama AND action and... I can't do that, I really can't, even if I want to.

That's okay, I may not be able to write a lot of varied things, but I'm good at what I can write, so I'm not too bothered by my inability to have solid plots. I'll just go back to writing shameless Boosh fluff once this POI rewatch is over. I have plans, I just need to follow through with the plans.

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Dani

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